The only thing more impressive than Dan Orlovsky’s ability to break down film is his seemingly unending cache of terrible food takes.
Among Orlovsky’s weirdest food takes are his love for bland, grilled, unseasoned chicken breasts, his affinity for plain nachos, his desire to drink red wine with ice cubes, his belief that chocolate chip cookies are overrated, and his admission of keeping only salt and pepper in his spice cabinet. He also eats Mentos like an absolute weirdo and enjoys a bizarre Thanksgiving meal.
We now have a montage of bad @danorlovsky7 food takes.
He would go on to say after the segment that he only needs 2 cheeses for a charcuterie board (American and Cheddar). pic.twitter.com/l6cdwITMF4
— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) September 26, 2023
“His food experience is just one of the worst that I’ve ever encountered,” NFL Live teammate Marcus Spears told Awful Announcing last year.
Orlovsky was a guest on the “SI Media with Jimmy Traina” podcast this week. Amongst other topics, the conversation eventually turned to Orlovsky’s notable food opinions, and we learned a few more harrowing details.
I also had to get some of Orlovsky’s wacky food takes on this week’s SI MEDIA PODCAST.
Apple: https://t.co/ck0BFM7TyA
YouTube: https://t.co/2mFzdddmR8 pic.twitter.com/wrbnzLqacU— Jimmy Traina (@JimmyTraina) March 15, 2024
“You’ve become this poster boy for bad food takes,” said Traina.
“I am very much so just genuinely me,” said Orlovsky. “I understand that I’m weird to some people. I’m very simple. I’m a very simple person in my life as well.”
From there, they got into specifics. First, does Dan like pizza?
“Absolutely adore pizza,” said Orlovsky.
As for his preference, he noted “Regular. Relatively regular. I’m probably lean a little thin crust but regular. To be honest with you, I don’t know a ton of difference between Sicilian and deep crust, like, nah, just regular.”
Given the context of the conversation, Orlovsky presumably meant “New York-style” when he said “regular,” but he did have a very firm line on what goes on top of the pie.
“Vegetables on it are disgusting,” he said. “My favorite pizza in the world is from Colony Pizza in Fairfield, Connecticut and it’s hot oil and sausage. I’ll do occasionally like a pepperoni or something like that. I do like a white pizza. A chicken cutlet pizza. But no vegetables or anything like that.”
When Traina asked what Orlovsky’s favorite NYC slice is, that’s when things took a dark turn.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been in New York City for a specific pizza dinner,” said Orlovsky.
“Can somebody at ESPN take Dan to Joe’s Pizza, please?” begged Traina, who also tried to set up a pizza lunch for next week.
Truly, the idea that Orlovsky, who has spent most of his life in Connecticut, has never stopped to have a slice of pizza in Manhattan once in his life is harrowing.
Traina then moved on to ice cream, where Orlovsky continued to offer up some strong thoughts on flavors.
“Love ice cream, don’t eat it a ton,” he said. “Two things. The people who order fruit-flavored ice cream, that’s weird. Just eat fruit, guys. Two, vanilla…I’ve got nothing for you. Why even get it? It’s literally plain. Mint chocolate chip is my favorite. I love anything that has a chocolate in it. I don’t do nuts in an ice cream or whatnot. So, mint chocolate chip or cookies and cream. A double-fudge brownie, something like that.”
As for whether or not he’d be interested in strawberry ice cream, he responded: “Why? Just have strawberries.”
Orlovsky said he would try Cherry Garcia, however, throwing a wrench in his own theory.
As for his most iconic bad food take, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are “overrated,” Orlovsky doubled down.
“I don’t detest it. I just think it’s wildly overrated,” said Orlovsky. “I have them frozen at home right now. I had one last night. I like a frozen dark chocolate Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. I don’t like milk chocolate that much. Everyone’s like ‘Oh my gosh, this is the greatest candy. No, it’s not. Kit Kat is better.”
Listen to that section on the podcast if only for Traina’s audible groan on “dark chocolate.”
Asked about the kind of meal that would make him want to vomit and die, the NFL Live analyst had some examples to choose from. Perhaps obviously, Orlovsky and seafood don’t go well together. Along with a salmon souffle he once ate in Germany, he says that a recent shellfish meal did not sit well with him.
“Last week, on a golf trip with some buddies, they made me try oysters,” he said. “They were godawful. Oh my gosh, awful. Texture. Taste.”
