It’s no secret that ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith professes to be an expert on a great variety of subjects and insists he would have done better in almost any situation, from discussing a woman’s responsibility not to provoke a man into beating her to evaluating the character of Ben Roethlisberger and Greg Hardy to calling Ayesha Curry “out of pocket” to acting in soap operas to saying he would have got a conviction in the O.J. trial. Even being proven wrong doesn’t seem to dissuade him from future bold predictions. What if we applied his mix of bravado and hot takes to historical incidents, though, such as the Hindenburg explosion? That’s what the eponymous blogger from Bring Your Champions, They’re Our Meat has done, imagining what SAS would have had to say about the Hindenburg:

Have you seen this blimp footage? The whole thing going ON FIRE ok? And the guy yelling OH THE HUMANITY? Oh the humanity is right. Because the Hindenburg disaster is a HUMANITY ERROR, Skip. I’ll tell you one thing: if I was the captain of the Hindenburg I would not have let that blimp burn up. I would have landed that airship safely and the only people hurt would have the usual blimp related injuries. Bumps, bruises, diseases from blimp sex and whatnot.

Captain Pruss. Listen up, because I’m saying this directly into the camera. Your airship captaining is A DISGRACE. Period. You can’t go around blaming the disaster on sabotage. Ridiculous. Oh, you think someone’s up in the balloon lighting matches or revving up one of those toy cars that makes the sparks? IS THIS WHAT YOU ARE THINKING BECAUSE IF YOU ARE YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND. It’s called accountability, Captain Pruss. You’re the one wearing the blimp jacket and the blimp goggles and the blimp captain hat and when it’s time to take the blame the only sabotage is the one where you SABOTAGED YOURSELF. If you’re looking for broken equipment why not start with a mirror.

You give me those same conditions and that zeppelin is landing ten out of ten times.

This could be the start of some great Stephen A. Mad Libs. The post goes on to discuss how SAS could have saved the Light Brigade, fixed the Treaty of Versailles and even avoided Betamax, but there are infinite possibilities here, which really go to show how much of a cartoon character Smith is becoming. Given how ESPN seems to want him weighing in on every conceivable topic, too, perhaps we really aren’t far from Smith’s hot takes on zeppelins…

[@BYCTOM on Medium]

About Andrew Bucholtz

Andrew Bucholtz has been covering sports media for Awful Announcing since 2012. He is also a staff writer for The Comeback. His previous work includes time at Yahoo! Sports Canada and Black Press.