Tony Reali returned to Around the Horn on Monday, weeks after he and his wife lost one of their twin boys and welcomed the other into the world. And when panelist Israel Gutierrez “won” the show to earn his “Face Time,” he gave his 30 seconds to Reali, who used the time to discuss the simultaneous joy and trauma he had experienced, while also speaking out against “children in cages,” an allusion to the United States’ border policy that has separated newly-arriving kids from their parents.
Below is emotionally charged full clip along with the full transcript via FTW.
Today we welcomed @tonyreali back to the show! In FaceTime he shared his feelings about his recent loss, his recent addition, and how he's getting through it all. pic.twitter.com/myaoby0kzO
— Around the Horn (@AroundtheHorn) June 18, 2018
“The notes and the condolences my wife, Samiya, and I have received have gone right into our soul, and I wanted to say that. Talking about the duality of losing a child near childbirth and then delivering another healthy one is impossible. I was talking about this yesterday on Twitter. How can you ever be whole again? Parents have had to go through this before. I’m going through this now.
“And I spent time pledging that it’s OK not to be OK. And for me, the recognition that I’ve come to is that life can be out of our control. And that’s OK. It’s how we respond and what we do — that’s what we have control over. So, here’s where I am today. Grief is part of humanity. Grief is proof of humanity. Parents dealing with loss or anybody dealing with loss, meet yourself where you are. Give voice to your feelings. Young men, young women watching, this can be how you grieve. Don’t bury your heart — keep it on the outside and look to other people. Because humanity can lift us. That has been my experience.
“But I need to say this now. More duality, if I’m brutally honest. Today my thoughts are with children in cages. That’s parents experiencing loss too. Humanity needs to be better. Amadeo, I’ll love you forever. You’re named for God’s love. May we all be craving it. May we all be giving it to each other. May we all be compassionate enough to give it to all.”
This was not the first Reali had said publicly about his situation. On Sunday, in honor of Father’s Day, the longtime ESPN host offered similar thoughts in a touching series of tweets.
Heartened by Father’s Day wishes.
In recognition that this day like all things in life could mean different things to different people -parent and child, positive and negative-I’d like to speak here about fathers who’ve experienced loss.
This month I became one.
— Tony Reali (@TonyReali) June 17, 2018
Anyone within a galaxy of me knows we were expecting twins. We lost Amadeo in the moments leading up to childbirth. We delivered Enzo weeks early in an emergency. Last week was our memorial mass for Amadeo. This week Enzo came home happy, healthy and strong.
— Tony Reali (@TonyReali) June 17, 2018
The duality of all this – the anguish and the joy – is impossible to grasp. But it’s one we know we must navigate. For me that means two things: giving voice to our feelings, and allowing others to lift us when we can’t shoulder the load of those feelings.
— Tony Reali (@TonyReali) June 17, 2018
The heaviness of giving a eulogy for a son who never had a chance to breathe. Having to talk to our just-old-enough-to-know daughter who was expecting two siblings. These are impossible moments; how can any parent go forward? Ever be whole?
— Tony Reali (@TonyReali) June 17, 2018
Consider that grief could mean meeting ourselves where we actually are. That’s what I’m talking about when I talk about navigating feelings. Recognizing we didn’t get to know Amadeo- but sure as anything we felt him. Felt his kicks, felt his presence. That feeling is life.
— Tony Reali (@TonyReali) June 17, 2018
I am not somebody who thinks everything happens for a reason. I’ve spent time here* & here* pledging that it’s ok to not be ok. For me the recognition that life can be out of our control is necessary; how we respond is what we do control, and it’s pivotal and determining.
— Tony Reali (@TonyReali) June 17, 2018
But what if it requires more than that? How we choose to respond, but also: how others positively respond to us, for us. And that’s what I’m talking about when I talk about allowing others to lift us.
— Tony Reali (@TonyReali) June 17, 2018
Example: In our instance, a twin stroller is on every block, an expectant family at every park. That can pierce your heart, but you can let it pierce your every day. Or a day like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, it’s even trickier.
— Tony Reali (@TonyReali) June 17, 2018
Isn’t grief part and proof of humanity?
What if it’s humanity you need to open yourself up to? To allow to shepherd you through trials of grief?
— Tony Reali (@TonyReali) June 17, 2018
And what if we extend that to trials of different kinds: unhealth, self doubt, self hate, addiction, intolerance, sexism, racism, ageism, xenophobia, homophobia, lack of empathy. Isn’t loss part of all those in the systemic taking away of our ourselves and what makes us human?
— Tony Reali (@TonyReali) June 17, 2018
And that possibility there makes this all the more challenging. We need the humanity to get through everything but what if we need humanity to be better?
A family day where families are dealing with loss because families are torn apart is not a family day. It’s not a human day.
— Tony Reali (@TonyReali) June 17, 2018
The name Amadeo means God’s Love.
May we all be open to seeing it in ourselves, may we be strong enough to receive it from others, compassionate enough to give it to others, and courageous enough to demand it from others.
— Tony Reali (@TonyReali) June 17, 2018
Here* https://t.co/ceBub1Q5Ji
And Here * https://t.co/7ylqrztGZn
— Tony Reali (@TonyReali) June 17, 2018
Here’s wishing the best to Reali, his wife and his entire family.
[Around The Horn on Twitter]