I really had no idea what I was getting into before I started last night. I didn’t really give any thought into how drained I would be after two Monday Nighters, but I’m exhausted. That may have something to do with staying up until 2am, but I’m not sure. I can’t really think straight. Let’s just start out with what worked last night, you know….the positives…..

First and foremost, Jaws is awesome. If you can’t appreciate his genius then I feel sorry for you. I thought he might lose a step going from analyzing game film to an actual game, but that’s not the case. You can easily tell he’s on point after a preaseason and one regular season game. I don’t know if it was because of the 2nd game being so god awful, but it seemed like a solid broadcast overall. No guest in the booth makes a world of difference, and Tirico is growing on me. I think he was just lost having to deal with Tony and Joe last year.

Grade: C+

So you’re probably asking why this was such a low grade after all of the positivity above right? Well it boils down to one person, and you know who that is. I don’t know what it is about MNF that makes Tony Kornheiser so unbelievably unfunny, but he’s terrible. In the span of the broadcast he referenced a 60s band, hanging chads, and Dirk Nowitzki. He’s just flat out awkward in the booth. I’m sorry, and it’s kind of unfair, but every broadcast rests solely on his shoulders. Everyone is looking at him for something and he gives nothing.

Announcing Quotes of the Night:

“To me I think Willis McGahee should have a good night. He should surpass that 990 yards he had last year.”- Emmitt Smith

“When you throw the ball down the field it’s tougher in the NFL.”- Mike Tirico

“The big hit by Dan Wilcox from Appalachian State.”- Mike Tirico
“Where have we heard that before Ann Arbor?”- Tony Kornheiser

“That spheroid is now a pancake, after 325 pounds falling on it.”- Jaws
“It’s certainly not a souffle.”- Tony Kornheiser

“One of five Michigan rookies in the NFL…..all you rocket scientist who want to know about Michigan!”- Mike Tirico
“You’re a little defensive about that.”- Jaws
“No No just clearing it up.”- Mike Tirico

“That’s why you put the beam on him. Beam me up Ed Reed!”- Tony Kornheiser

Commenting Quotes of the Night:

“We’ve replaced your regular Steve McNair with Jeff Blake. Let’s see if anyone notices.”- Anon

“I wasn’t aware Dakota Fanning was a Bengals fan.”- Suss

“Could the Bengals front office not have gotten Marvin Lewis a Segway? I mean, honestly, he looks pitiful, and I bet Segway would donate one for the free publicity.”- Ryan

“My wife just found out that there’s a second game. I think I’m sleeping on the sofa this week.”- Anon

“Wow. Did Kornheiser really just start cackling after Jaws used the phrase “Biggest Johnson”? How professional. And mature.”- Bstone

“Boller can’t complete a pass to the end zone. But hey, remember the video where he threw the ball 50 yards while sitting down? “- Anon

Not a terrible game for the first team, but it could have been better. I get that Chad Johnson is entertaining, but there are 50 some other players on the Bengals. Again, I know it’s unfair to blame an entire broadcast being bad on one person, but I just can’t stand Tony Kornheiser. He’s wrong about 80% of the time when he tries to say something and is horribly and tragically not funny. He does seem to have a better relationship with Jaws over Joey Sunshine, and it is only the first game. It could have been worse right? You know….like Game #2.

Let me know if you agree or disagree in the comments, and I’ll be back in a few with the Game #2 Review…..I don’t think you’ll want to miss that one.

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