On Monday, the Sugar Land Skeeters of the independent Atlantic League signed Roger Clemens for whatever reason (publicity stunt, Hall of Fame voting manipulation, a lark), and announced he'd be pitching tonight. Of course, ESPN has jumped all over this, and will be extensively covering the game… I mean, it's not like there's a pennant race going on or anything.

The game will (appropriately) be broadcast live on ESPN Classic (8:05 eastern) and online at ESPN3, broadcast by Kevin Dunn of the Longhorn Network (which means a lot more viewers than LHN) and "guest analyst" Danny Graves, formerly of the Cincinnati Reds. ESPNEWS will also be cutting away from regular coverage and showing every pitch Clemens throws, shades of the Barry Bonds homer watch from years ago.

But of course, that's not all. ESPN has also snared a pregame interview with Clemens, and will have in-game interviews with Skeeters manager (and former major leaguer) Gary Gaetti and Skeeters special advisor Tal Smith (former Astros president from 1995 to 2011, the man who brought Clemens to Houston, and the man who a stupid hill in center field of Minute Maid Park is named after). Baseball Tonight (starting at 10 PM) will feature live look-ins of the game (assuming Clemens is still pitching two hours into the game), and has an exclusive post-game one-on-one interview with Clemens.

Phew. All this for a 50-year old that hasn't thrown a pitch in five years making a start in an indy league against a team whose most recognizable players are Joey Gathright and Shea Hillenbrand.

The best case scenario for everyone involved would be for Clemens to get hammered in the first inning, have his fastball sit at about 85 mph, and have no control. Not only would the potential spin from ESPN be a riot, but we could finally get this Clemens saga over and done with… at least before he takes this circus to the Majors, or whatever brand of baseball is played in Houston these days.

[h/t: ESPN Media Zone]

About Joe Lucia

I'm the managing editor of Awful Announcing and the news editor of The Comeback. I also made The Outside Corner a thing for six seasons.