It’s the Colts and Jags! It’s Addai and Whoever Is On the Jags!!!! Oh yeah, Garrard! It’s Russell Crowe and Steve Carell and Whatever Crappy Show ABC Is Pimping Tonight! It’s Kornheiser and Manning! See you around 8ish for some pregamming. Cheers!

What you need to know……

Where: Jacksonville, Florida
When: 8:30pm on ESPN
Why: Because Stone Cold Says So???
How: Peyton Manning, In The Library, With The Candlestick
Weather: Cloudy, 77 Degrees
Spread: Colts -3.5, O/U 45

Good evening folks…..Steve Carell is the most unfunny I’ve ever seen and that means we’re ready to start.

I’m trying something completely different tonight, and skipping the time stamps entirely….who started that anyway? All nonsense (my commentary) will be unbolded and the quotes bolded. Good? Good. Please let me know if it throws you off

Colts get the ball first and they’re pushing it quickly into the Jaguars end. A few passes and then Reggie Nelson almost gets a pick. Great play by the Gator. The Jags fans have it going early….let’s see if the can keep it going the whole game. It’s definitely loud. Manning throws incomplete and that brings on Hunter the Punter.

Sorry…..internet cut out on me there. Are they really going to only play the new Carrie Underwood when they show Country music fan Peyton Manning?

“Ive said this before and ill say it again. Steve Carell plays the best character on television at the moment, but he is NOT funny anywhere outside of The Office”- Sports Nation

Maybe….the rest of the cast made 40 Year Old Virgin. Could very well be true.

The Jags hold the Colts to the quickest 3 and out ever, and they get rap music again to the bump. I’m not saying anything yet, but this is getting a tad bit racist isn’t it?

Freddie Taylor picks up 17 and the Jags are in business. Him and MJD run all over the Colts. It’s uncanny…..well it is the Colts, so I guess it’s not that big of a deal.

“You make him sound like Chuck Norris because whenever he gets out there he stiffles everything everybody does.”- Tony Kornheiser

Wow. Just wow. I have nothing….

The Jags go for it on 4th down and 2 and they almost pick it up on a tip to Wilford…but it’s broken up by Hayden. Colts ball. Can we just go one night please…..please….without talking about Tom Brady.

“It was Spicer making it a phone booth for Manning in the pocket.”- Mike Tirico

I like that analogy. Good stuff Mike.

Tony asks the question…..”Manning is up on his toes….that’s negative.”….and Jaws explains it’s because he needs to throw over the D-Line because they are so tall.

Wow…that was very insightful as well. I can’t believe what I’m hearing! Cancel Russell Crowe right now!!!

The Jags break up a 3rd and inches on a long pass to Wayne, but Indy’s obviously going for it on 4th down. HUGE hole for Addai and he picks up the first down at the 12.

Keith gets the cleanup duty and picks up the score after a pass to Reggie Wayne got it inside the five…..

7-0 Colts

Am I crazy or are the MNF producers only playing the Southern Rap when the Jags have the ball and the Carrie Underwood crap when Peyton Manning is getting the ball? Someone back me here. A Bay Bay!

(FYI- We’re into the 2nd Quarter in case you are not near a television or computer. But wait! How would you? Get out of my miiiiiiiind!)

Garrard is driving the Jags down the field and is looking pretty poised early on. Bob Sanders makes a great play on the draw to MJD and Tirico says….

“He makes a very typical play for Bob Sanders”- Mike Tirico

I’m sorry but just about every play Bob Sanders makes is amazing. You can’t downplay it like that I’m sorry. He’s Ed Reed 2.0.

“What the hell do Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris have to do with “driving your bus home” Tony?”- Dr. C

It’s all related to Tony getting his own sitcom….oh wait….that failed too.

“Chuck Norris appears out of nowhere makes the play and changes the game.”- Tony Kornheiser

Bob Sanders gets the pick and is dubbed either the greatest or worst nickname ever as Tony is going to beat this into the ground the whole game. Garrard is hurt and Quinn Gray is in the game. Umm can you say…..ballgame?

“David Garrard grabbed by the left angle.”- Suzy Kolber

It’s okay Sooze….btw, can we have a vote on this site to name your baby?

“sports nation, are you kidding me?? That Carell opening was hilarious.”- Anon

And you wonder why I have zero faith in Anon commenters. Are you kidding me? I’ll put the video up just so we can all watch again, but that was terrible.

mattycb8: Yea, I heard it, too. It is freaking Tirico. He did say next Monday the Super Bowl and World Series will be held in Denver.

He also said Dallas Texas caught a pass, recently. I know we’re humans but man too many mistakes for a person who is getting paid big money.

What the hell is going on with Tirico tonight? Jesus Christ Almighty….that’s bad.

Colts ball at the 50….screen to Keith and he picks up seven. Keith gets the first followed by a dropped pass by Dallas Texas….I’m sorry but that’s his name for the rest of the year. Wow. Peyton fakes the hell out of the Jags secondary and he floats one in down the left sideline. Amazing play. Addai to the goal line!!! Not in. Down at the inch line.

Manning sneaks it in…..TOUCHDOWN COLTS!

14-0 Ponies.

“He’s been eclipsed to a certain degree this year.”- Tony Kornheiser on Peyton Manning

Is that even true? He’s trying so hard for this angle but Jaws isn’t having it. They’re both awesome….get over it.

“That opened the window for Manning to stick it into Dallas Clark.”- Jaws (Via Trot Nixon’s Hat)

The Jags and Garrard (who’s back in) make a few plays but can’t pick up the first on 3rd down. Oh they’re going for it from the 50! Oh no they’re not quite yet….timeout by the Colts as the officials ruined their quick snap.

THEY RUN AN END AROUND TO MJD! Horrible decision. Bob Sanders ruins them. No Chuck Norris reference for that one. I vote we start a movement to call him MacGyver and ruin Tony’s nickname.

The Colts have a perfect opportunity to end this thing, but they’re going nowhere quick. Wow….a Stroud personal foul penalty on a botched screen gives the Colts a new set of downs.

2 Minute Warning…..

“I think I’ll brush up on my knowledge of Quinn Gray, as of now that’s all I know…his name is Quinn Gray.”- Tony Kornheiser (Via mattycb8)

Seriously….everyone knows a FAMU Rattler when they see them!

Manning hits Wayne on the slant for the first and Addai picks up 8 to the 21 yard line…1:16 to go. Keith then finishes off the first down. From the 18 yard line….incomplete to Reggie Wayne! He had him, but was a little off. He being Peyton Manning. An incomplete pass to Harrison on the slant, and the Colts are working with 3rd and 10…..incomplete on the screen. Vinatieri onto attempt the Field Goal…….

17-0 Colts. 29 Seconds left.

Great another Tom Brady statistic….why don’t you schedule some Pats game MNF if you want to talk about him so damn much!

“You mention his name and it sizzles.”- Ron Jaworski

That’s your half….17 to zip Colts….your Steve Carell video will be in between this and the second half post. I’ll see you and Russell Crowe on the other side with a new beer.