The 2010 Pam Ward Chronicles: Week 1

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As Brian Powell promised yesterday, the Pammies are back. They’re back so hard that you’re going to start seeing Pam Ward’s mug in places you didn’t see it before.
Seeing as it’s Labor Day weekend, a lot of us have guests in town/are going out of town, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t have guests huddle around me on a computer (or I try to keep it to a minimum). Updates will come, but bear with us if they’re not half-hourly. In the meantime, leave anything you have in the comments.
Here is your week 1 announcing schedule. I’ll get things started with quotes  from Thursday’s games.
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“Brian Maddox, 1st carry of the season and he’s snowed under” — Rece Davis comes out of the gate strong with the obscure idiom/Keane song.
“They have a turnover goal and it is BIG!” — Craig James
“This South Carolina offense is discombobulated.” — Rece Davis after SC’s first possession of the season.
“South Carolina has its initial first down of the season.” — Rece Davis after SC’s fifth offensive play from scrimmage of the season.
“Asiata might be the hot back.” — Kelly Stouffer
“Terrelle Pryor with his first TD of the year.” — VERSUS’ Craig Hummer showing highlights of Pryor’s second TD of the year, and his name is “Hummer.”
“The rub is actually rubbing the cover guy.”  — Kelly Stouffer describing the rub play.
“Bang!” — Craig James
“He plays behind his pads. He keeps his pad level even, and he has a constant motor to keep plowing north. ” — Jesse Palmer on Marcus Lattimore with Craig James in the background saying “whew!” every other word.
“Dion Lewis is getting up inside of his backside.” — Kelly Stouffer
“Disorder, confusion, chaos. They do it all.” — Joe Beninatti on Utah’s fans.  Note: At the end of the 1st half he similarly used three synonyms to describe Utah’s first half effort.
“Have you ever seen something like this?” – Joe Beninatti after Pitt. made a game-tying FG, but Utah pulled the ol’ timeout trick. Pitt. then missed a FG, but Utah pulled the trick again, stabbing themselves in the foot. Finally, Pitt. made the third FG try, sending the game to OT.
“That rainbow looks like it has USC colors in it.”  — Mark Jones
“I disagree. It creates a frenzied atmosphere even more so. I think it works to Hawaii’s advantage. Granted, it took away a TD, there’s a frenzy created in this stadium. Granted, they lost four points there, maybe.” — Bob Davie, utterly incomprehensible and disagreeing with Mark Jones in that Hawaii losing a TD at the end of the 1st half hurt. In short, yes, it hurt.

 

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“They are going to go for two, because that makes it an 11 point game, which is a touchdown, a 2-point conversion, and a field goal so if they make it they get it to a potential two score game.”  — Bob Davie debating if Hawaii should go for two in a 49-36 game that USC leads with 3:52 left. (via Brady Green)

 

FROM THE COMMENTS:

 

“Samford? Samford and Son, Labor Day Weekend.” — Desmond Howard (via Sctvman)

 

“They’re using the pistol offense and they have plenty of bullets.”– Lee Corso on UCLA (via 49er16)

“Jacobs got to bring his arms and make the tackle.” — Chris Spielman (via Sctvman)

“Kellen Moore? All he does is win, win, win. All he does is win, win win.” — Charles Neal during Delaware St./Southern

 

Chris Spielman: “Sneaking in there, 007 style.” Bob Griese: “Sneaking in 007 style? He’s in midseason form.” Spielman: “I could have gone in Inspector Gadget form there.” (via Sctvman and 49er16)
“Miami strikes first! 3-0 Redhawks.” — Dave Pasch (?) (via Sctvman)
“Urban is getting that stress test early.”– Chris Spielman (via 49er16)
Dave Pasch: “Other than Florida turning the ball over, what would you say is the biggest surprise so far?” Bob Griese: “I think it’s the fact that Florida has turned the ball over twice so far. Pasch: (slight pause) other than that…  (via Hap)
“They’re batting 8-5% on bad snaps.” –Chris Spielman on Florida (via Sctvman)
“Another fumble! Miami takes over on downs.” — Dave Pasch (via Sctvman)
“It is unexcusable.” — Andre Ware (via Sctvman)
“He could pick a Volkswagen over his head and ground beef.”– Dave Lapham making no sense (via 49er16).
“That’s the play Tebow would have run if he would have been here.” — Bob Griese (via JFein)
“This is football, not horseshoes.”– Dave Popkin calling the Weber State-Boston College game on ESPN3. (via 49er16).
“You need a sense of urgency here, but take your time.”– Chris Spielman (via AA)
“They (Illinois) have a quad formation, we have a quad-show (quadruple-header next week).” — Dave Lapham (via Sctvman)
“He gets those YACs” — Dave Popkin (via Sctvman)
“For Dysart it’s like he’s throwing a rock in Ada, OH at Ada Park.” Chris Spielman
“Who’ll get the first crack at sudden victory?” – Joe Beninati before Thursday night’s overtime game between Utah/Pitt. (via Rick James Bible Owner)
“Brian Kelly is the guy in charge of putting the fight back in the Irish.” — Tom Hammond (via 49er16).
“It comes off his hand pretty pretty.” — Dave Lapham (via Dazzle)
“I think that’s the Shankopotamus kid.” — Brock Huard on kid waving to the camera (via Rick James Bible Owner)
“Will they go to the 250-pound Johnson?” — Ron Franklin (via John Danknich)
“That guy, right there, Denard Robinson…” — Matt Millen as the camera shows a shot of DB JT Floyd (via Rick James Bible Owner)
“Hey Marvin (UNC DT Austin): Get yourself a sign that says ‘Don’t Drink & Twitter.’ Put it up on a billboard.” — Brent Musburger (via Rick James Bible Owner)
“2-2 with a touchdown. You can’t beat that.” — Shaun King on Stony Brook/USF (via Sctvman)
“One of the best hand jobs we’ve seen from a quarterback today.” – Brad Nessler (via Dazzle)
“Butch Jones is one of the rock stars of college football of coaching right now.” — Trent Dilfer (via Rick James Bible Owner)
“Aspeaking of Orel Hershiser, how about the Cincinnati Reds?” — Kirk Herbstreit because, you know, Orel Hershiser played three seasons with the Indians. (via JFein).
Eric Collins: “I saw Dhani Jones in the Cincinnati airport last year – he must have had a 900 page book under his arm.” 
Chris Martin: “Did it have a lot of pictures in it?” (via SpartanNation)
“As he pulled out, did not have control.” — Brent Musberger, after the UNC QB fumbled a handoff to the running back. (via Tom Green, PA)
Beninati: “Bielema likes to call (Sidney White) ‘Giggles.’” 
Stouffer: “I might start calling you giggles.” (via Rick James Bible Owner)
“He should’ve taken the sack.” — Pam Ward on North Texas QB Namath Tune “In Three Notes” on a deflected pass (via James Russel Craven)
“This will be a very pro-Hokie crowd here tonight.” – Brent Musburger on Hokies fans at (pretty much) a Hokies home game against Boise State.
“The goal of the Notre Dame offense is to score points this year.” — Tom Hammond (via @kevinheaslip)
“We come to you from the nation’s capital on this great holiday weekend” – Brent Musburger BSU v VT in Landover, MD (via @DCyetti)
“He’s putting the impact in impact player!” — Mark Jones after Brian Duncan made sacked the SMU QB on 4th down to clinch the game for Texas Tech. (via JFein)
“Looking at Kyle Padron, a guy who hasn’t been able to play the last couple of games of the ballgame.” — Mark James (via JFein)
“They never screw up. That comes with serving our country. They are not allowed to make a mistake.” –Mike Patrick talking about how Navy was the least penalized team in college football last year. (via JFein).
“A Lacerated anything does not sound good.” — Mike Patrick after talking about a Navy player laceratinga spleen in a skiing accident. (via Benjamin P. Glaser)
“Navy trying to draw them off” — Mike Patrick on 4th and 8 (via SkinsCapsTerps)
“Take him to the shower and see if he has a rasberry on his knee.” — Craig James (via Dazzle)
“This could be another mistake by Texas Tech, er, Virginia Tech.” — Brent Musburger
“Cinderella lives, ladies and gentlemen.” — Brent Musburger
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