Hey internet sports fans, you might have heard its Back to the Future Day. It’s the day we can finally open the windows, blast the Huey Lewis & the News and celebrate the Cubbies winning the World Series over Miami!
So, with the internet all abuzz over the time-traveling adventures of Marty McFly and Doc Brown, we thought it would be fun to imagine a Back to the Future reboot, using only sports media personalities from today!
Back to the Press Box, we could call it! Or Back to the Future…of Sports! Or, well…let’s just get on with it. Rather, let’s get back to it.
Marty McFly – Bob Costas
The star of the Back to the Future franchise is Michael J. Fox, who played a teenager in the first movie at the ripe old age of 24, filming the second and third installments not long before he reached his 30th birthday. Talk about going back in time!
Which member of the sports media world would be the best Marty McFly? We need someone who can command the big screen despite his short stature, who looks young for his age and who would flat out destroy a bunch of futuristic punks on a hoverboard he just learned how to ride.
Yes, Marty McFly would be none other than NBC’s BOB COSTAS!
Picture Costas in a down vest ordering a Tab or a Pepsi Free, rocking out in front of a stunned crowd of on-lookers before offering the cocksure phrase, “but your kids are gonna love it.”
Should Costas be unavailable, the studio would be wise to hire Casey Stern as an understudy. He doesn’t have quite the moxie of Michael J. Fox—or Costas—but he’s got that boyish charm down pat. Just make sure he knows when his mic is hot.
Dr. Emmett Brown – Tony Kornheiser
For Doc Brown we’ll need an older sports media lifer—and someone who can make Costas look young by comparison—who’s brilliant but in a comical, almost cartoonish way. We also need someone who is rather easily agitated, and can fly off the handle at a moment’s notice. And despite his brilliance, we need someone who often gets confused with the kids of the future and their newfangled terms.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9qrypsdsSo
It’s TONY KORNHEISER!
Should Kornheiser decline, which let’s face it he totally will, the backup could be NFL insider Charlie Casserly, if only to to hear him say “one point twenty-one gigawatts” over and over again.
https://youtu.be/mjCRUvX2D0E
Lorraine (Baines) McFly – Hannah Storm
Let’s be honest, some of these decisions are harder than others, but if there’s one woman in sports media who could pull off the role of both a teenager’s mom and his date to the high school dance, the easy choice is ESPN’s HANNAH STORM!
https://youtu.be/W3dn9Kh5tPw
Come on, the role of Lorraine is her density. I mean…
If Storm were reluctant to play the part, the next best choice would be Turner Sports star Rachel Nichols, who I suddenly want to see play the role of Costas’ mom in a movie really bad.
George McFly – Jonah Keri
Okay, we need a total nerd who somehow turns being a nerd into being cool, who seems meek but can stand up for what he believes in if push came to punch.
We clearly need someone in the SABR world for this. A misunderstood statistical soul, who if you dig deep enough into the subtext is the true hero of the entire movie franchise. Brian Kenny? He’s the perfect type of guy, but Kenny’s delivery and cadence is too forceful to play McFly
Nate Silver? Is Silver enough of a sports person, or is that too on the nose? Rob Neyer?
Maybe the answer was there all along. ESPN baseball analyst JONAH KERI!
He even talks a lot like George McFly. He’s perfect. Statistically speaking.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2W6nUYMms3w
Biff Tannen – Heath Evans
Who is the biggest meathead in the sports media world? Who is a guy who absolutely presents himself like a bully who would give you a noogie if you disagree with him? Who can’t stop reliving his own (limited) glory, looks like he’d be named “Biff” and would walk into a diner and do this to someone just because he can?
It’s clearly NFL Network analyst HEATH EVANS!
https://youtu.be/0l7PmNH0quw?t=1m42s
He’s the perfect choice.
Mr. Strickland – Skip Bayless
A no nonsense curmudgeon who everybody loves to hate? Or just hates?
Take your pick between two obvious choices: ESPN analyst and lightning rod SKIP BAYLESS or his understudy for the role, former ESPN lightning rod KEITH OLBERMANN.
Olbermann may be the better choice, given his more intimidating demeanor, but Bayless is the perfect guy for any love-to-hate role, and it wouldn’t be right to re-cast the movie without him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yt_LpTbthDA
Marvin Berry – Stephen A. Smith
There are a lot of great small roles in the Back to the Future franchise. A friend suggested we find a sports media person for Needles, Marty’s unscrupulous coworker played by Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And Marty’s girlfriend Jennifer probably deserves some consideration as well, especially in II.
That said, there’s no more memorable bit part in the Back to the Future franchise than Marvin. You know, Marvin Berry.
How could a guy yelling into a telephone be anyone other than STEPHEN A. SMITH?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y18a0DJp484
“Chuck, CHUCK it’s your cousin Marvin. I’m not talking about Jack Links!”
He’d be entirely one note as an actor, but that’s what the role calls for! That said, he would probably command more money for that tiny role than any of the other actors in more prominent parts of the movie.
Of course, Smith would not even need an understudy, and ESPN’s Bomani Jones would be a smarter choice to bring into the reboot if we wanted to do more down the road. But where we’re going…
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