Chris Berman's 2 Minute Drill has been a part of SportsCenter for as long as I can remember. The formula for the segment has remained relatively unchanged for years – Berman talks for well over 2 minutes for whatever is on his mind, mixes in recycled footage that's been played dozens of times before (have you ever seen him shoot the cannons at Tampa Bay or tell Howie Long "nice spread"?), and then there's a few game picks.
This year, Berman's picks have been awful – 12 games below .500. So, going into Week 17, Chris Berman picked one game in his 2 Minute Drill, a Colts victory over the Texans, and made it worth 13 games just so he could get his season record over .500 and make it to the NFC Playoffs. Trust me on this, it's as ridiculous as it sounds.
One ESPNer who also makes weekly picks took note on Twitter – Grantland czar Bill Simmons. One detects the slightest amount of needle in this tweet…
Watching ESPN – Chris Berman is 12 games under .500 for the year, so he made his one Week 17 pick worth 13 games. Wait, what????
— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) December 29, 2012
Berman didn't just make up the rules in Week 17, he made each pick in Week 16 worth 3 games to try to make up his deficit, but went 3-3. Perhaps Simmons is just trying to defend the honor of everyone who does weekly picks without assigning random values to games just to inflate their ultimately meaningless picks record. I know it's insane to get worked up about the sanctity of football picks and Chris Berman's 2 Minute Drill… but don't you have to own your abysmal picking record? Otherwise, why not just retroactively assign the games you win 100 gold coins and a 1 UP mushroom… because let's be honest, you're not exactly going by the book here.
Of course, it's worth noting that Berman and Simmons represent two different worlds at ESPN. Berman is quoted in the ESPN Book as not even knowing who Bill Simmons is because "that's some other limb of the tree I don't touch." Maybe now that Simmons has an established TV role, Berman can at least become acquainted with the single most successful and important personality at ESPN.
If nothing else, for some help on NFL picks.