Jim Nantz has his own tradition unlike any other, and that is saying the absolute most cringeworthy pun or sappy thing at the conclusion of the National Championship game. It’s very obvious that Nantz has his call of the final seconds scripted depending on the outcome of the game. Here’s a sampling of some of them.
1. Arizona won it all in 1997 led by star Miles Simon. For this we got the double dipping of “A Milestone victory for Arizona!” from Nantz and than Billy Packer compounded the moment with the epically cheesy “Simon says Championship” line. Enjoy it here.
2. Michigan State in 2000 gave us the “you can leave it to Cleaves” line. Yeesh.
3. UNC’s 2005 Championship was a banner game for Nantz. First he blessed us with this one…”It began in March, ended in April and it belongs to May.” This was a reference to UNC star player Sean May. In that same game we also got the “there is a new dean in college basketball” line which is of course a reference to past UNC coach, Dean Smith.
There’s been many more of course, but you get the point. Instead of dreading this inevitable moment, I thought we might make it more interesting by possibly predicting and assigning odds on the line Nantz will gag us with this year because we are all degenerate gamblers at heart. Let me first warn you that these ARE TERRIBLE AND AWFUL. I FEEL GREAT SHAME FOR EVEN THINKING THESE. Read on if you want my predictions of what we will be hearing about Tuesday morning.
A UCONN WIN
It seemed like the favorite would be some play on whole UCONN thing. Well, Nantz thought that in ’99 when we got this hot mess… “Just when people say you can’t, you can, and UCONN has won the National Championship!” So, I don’t see Nantz going back to this call again. Still, who knows. Surprisingly, the end of UCONN’s 2004 championship game didn’t give us much.
First, the favorites.
-“A Storr-y book season for the Huskies!”
-“A Walker in the park for UCONN”
-“UCONN believe it!”
-“Jeremy Lamb can not be silenced, and UCONN is the champion”
A BUTLER WIN
-The overwhelming favorite…”The Butler has done it!”
-“A new Horizon in College basketball”
-“In College basketball the market is bullish for the Bulldogs!”
-“These hoosiers are indystructible”
-“Houston, we have a champion”
-“This dog had more bite”
-“This one is for the dogs”
-“Butler/Uconn is your champion. WOOF.” A reference to this scene from Home Alone. And, for the most interesting thing you will learn all day… Buzz’s girlfriend is actually a guy in the photo. They thought it would be too humiliating to have an actual woman be cast as Buzz’s lady.
Anyways, enjoy the National Championship game tonight everyone! If you have any more terrible puns to submit, please, post them up.