And no I do not mean that crappy R & B group from the 90s. We’ll be live-blogging away tonight for the return to The Superdome….it’s GRAND Re-opening if you will. The regulars will be here and I’ll be your host for the evening, so comment early and comment often. Welcome Home New Orleans (as much as that statement can mean after the hell you’ve been through).
New Orleans Needs the Saints, a great article by Michael Smith.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I don’t know if there are/were words for these.
Welcome. Here we go…..Live from the Superdome, The Big Easy, Louisiana.
7:01- “What would we do without the Goo Goo Dolls?”- Roommate. Ah yes it’s going to be that kind of night.
7:09- So Sean Payton took them through the entire game before the actual game, including a performance by U2 on the jumbotron and fake fan noise. Do you think he simulated the pounding that the Falcons running game is going to give them? Sorry, I’m rooting for the Saints I’m just saying….it ain’t going to be easy.
7:15- Is a spleenectomy and actual word Mort? And look out Buzzsaw…..Mr. Paris Hilton is your new QB.
7:18- Jaws’ Keys to Victory
- Falcons- Run the ball dominantly
- Saints- 1/2 Punch Running
Umm, At least U2 and GreenDay are here tonight. So much for high scoring.
7:20- So far for this program we’ve seen: Berman, Young, Irvin, TJ, Stu, Jaws, Sean Salisbury, Michele Tafoya, Suzy Kolber, Ditka and Rachel Nichols. ESPN spares no expense.
7:24- Add Robin Roberts (the lady not the pitcher) and Bob Ley to the mix.
Jeremy Schapp Mark Schwartz (who looks just like Schapp) doing an interview with Joe Horn. I’m a huge Joe Horn fan by the way….He’s a class act. Cell phone and all.
7:36- I have no idea who Chris Berman said caught that Bengals Touchdown….sounded like Houssshshs….zim…..mandadzaha.
7:39- Add Ed Werner (sp?). This is getting ridiculous.
7:43- Is Peyton Manning the new Joe Montana. I mean it is okay to say no to SOME commercial offers.
7:44- I think Steve Young was still mic’d up when they came back from a piece. “I’ll call you when I get back from Atlanta.” Either Steven had one hell of a transfer flight, or he’s already forgotten where he is. Don’t see how that’s possible at this point.
7:45- “It’s under budget and on schedule…..unlike most of New Orleans.”- Bob Ley, Okay Bob Ley is a f’ing dick. ESPN really should have bleeped that…..don’t see how they are not getting backlash on that one.
7:48- “The toughest part was to scrub away the cess pool of human misery.”- Mark Schwartz, Okay….we have another dick. Thanks ESPN….I’M ready for some football are you?!?!?!
7:52- I think I just saw the fat kid, Goldberg from the Mighty Ducks, in a Castrol commercial….Can anyone verify this for me?
8:00- To the booth! Enter our players…..MT, JT, and TK. TK has some pretty big bags under his eyes. I think now is a good a time as any to say this…..I hate U2. There I got that out of the way.
8:05- “U2…..GREEN DAY!!! They are all coming up before the game”- CB
Your other viewing options tonight: Prison Break, Wife Swap, Deal or No Deal, 7th Heaven, HIMYM, Beyond the Glory- Jerome Bettis, The O’Reilly Factor, Inside the Actors Stuio- Angelina Jolie, and Diary of Ludacris.
8:15- Intro time….U2Day after the break.
8:24- “NEW OLRLEEEEEAAAAAANS!”- Billy Joe
8:26- “There is a house in New Orleans they call the Superdome.”- Billy Joe, set to the Led Zepplin song House of the Rising Sun…..pretty badass with the horns and all.
8:30- “You’re Beautiful….Music Rises.” I may hate U2, but they are awesome individuals. Music Rises
8:32- When the Saints come Marching In…..we are still here. Who is on that motorcycle?
8:35- Wow TK’s symbols speech was pretty amazing….just shut Joe Theismann up now.
8:38- Are you fucking kidding me? Ashton Fucking Kutcher picks up the helmet for this game? Fuck ESPN….I’m serious…..fuck them to hell and back.
Correction- As FuckingBrian notes House of the Rising Sun was not a Zepplin original. I’m not that up on my folk music and I think that’s the first band I heard play it. You learn something new every day.
8:42- Erma Thomas on the mic……I’m actually surprised that they didn’t boo.
8:44- George H. Bush is on hand for the coin flip…..George W. Bush is a pussy.
8:45- You would think that ESPN would skip the f’ing Hank Williams for tonight…..umm no. Welcome Back New Orleans…now buy our stuff. Sincerely, Nike.
8:48- Kickoff. “Mike Vick with Virginia Tech almost won a championship in this building against Florida State.”- MT, 46-29 Mike…close game
“Scott Fujita- The Asian Assassin”- Mike McKenzie
BLOCKED PUNT FOR A TD! Wow.
Holy Cow that was amazing.
8:54- Rossum tries to fake a backward pass, which faked no one.
Rob I said… I just spit arrabiatta sauce all over my TV screen. The Most Important Punt Block Ever.
8:59- Hello Lelie….nice to see you again.
9:01- “Mike is close on him. This is snuggling.”-JT, aww that was so cute Joe.
“I’ve got him in fantasy tonight. You’ve got to catch that.”- TK, as Alge Crumps drops a TD
9:09- Omar Stoudmire blasts Rossum……..and…….another commercial.
9:13- “The Safties know that Vick Loves Crumpler”- MT
“AND the Saints know he likes Crumpler”- JT
Umm what Joe? That’s what he said?
“This turf is going to be a problem all night. This turf is going to make receivers run with their bodies over their legs.”- JT
Ummm Wha!?!?!?!?!?!?! Okay I quit. Joe Theeeesman is a straight up idiot. Period.
“At what place is their body someplace else?”- TK
9:18- “I don’t want to make it seem like he was Lorraine Cross and he didn’t take any money.”- TK, umm who Dennis Miller.
9:22- “This turf doesn’t favor Reggie Bush”- JT, Okay two minutes ago Joe said it was going to be harder on people with long strides and not those with smaller legs. Now he changes his tune.
“When Patrick Kerney isn’t flying his airplane he’s roughing the quarterback.”- Keith Brooking, ha my jokes make myself laugh some times.
9:24- Don’t let State Farm fool you….this is all spin. Spike Lee destroyed them in When the Levees. Remeber Hurricane protection does not protect you from water damage.
Uh oh, Deangelo Hall is banged up. Go up top N.O.!
9:25- Oh that block was sick by Drew Brees! Great Play. Sean Payton brought some Jap plays with him.
14-3 Saints. Now the Dome is rocking!
9:30- “I know we have social issues to worry about but this is a great start.”- TK, yep…that’s right Tony “Social Issues”.
Side note: I HATE Archie Manning.
Rob I said… Drew Brees just threw the Most Important Block by a Quarterback Ever.Man, this stuff writes itself!
Now that’s funny.
9:33- Michele Tafoya said Deangelo got a call from Deion….Contest: What did Deion say? Winner gets a bottle of Uncle Jemima’s Mash Licka!
1st Quarter Done. 14-3
9:37- Joe….how exactly do you “Gash” a defense? Hmm….I see.
9:41- Warrick Dunn cares about black people. Seriously though that letter was amazing and I can’t believe that they didn’t raise the $8.5 million. What is that to an NFL player?
So Vick is 2-10, and only has the one long one. Can we stop with all the Vick has finally arrived articles now?
Jay said… The steps going to porches that are no longer there are like “gravestones”. TK is on a rhetorical roll tonight.
Very good point. He’s almost over-doing it at this point. Save some for the second half Tony.
9:48- Spike Lee is in the booth. Watch out for the Bush comments……
“A year later it’s still not right here.”- Spike Lee
“It’s 4 Hours and then back to their FEMA trailers.”- SL
Joe Horn is a badass still.
“I’m not going to pull a Kanye up here.”- SL
“I’m assuming you’d like to see more done”- TK, Shut the hell up Joe
“Potential Coach of the Year, Isiah Thomas”- SL, Shut the hell up Spike.
BoSox Siobhan said… Re: 9:18 and “Lorraine Cross.” I’m pretty sure TK said “The Red Cross.” Makes more sense, right?
So what BoSox….I’m drunk. You wanna fight about it? Just kidding. That makes a WHOLE lot more sense.
9:58- Ed Houchuli is our ref…..forgot to mention. Women bow to his bisceps.
Carney FG 17-3 Saints.
Text from my friend Boston Barry (a Red Sox fan)…..”Did you watch Heros?” Umm no.
10:05- 4th and 1 Mora going for it. And……First down. Nice Play.
“They took blood from me and dust came out…..that’s a funny line.”- TK, maybe to an 80 year old like you. I heard that joke on HBO’s Snaps in 1992.
10:08- “Three Receivers come towards you.”- MT, he’s developing new terminology! Sweet.
“They should hire someone who can throw the flag far distances like Theisman”- TK
“In the Belly of Dunn”- MT, Get in Dunn’s BELLY!
10:15- Welcome back to the NFL Morten. There’s a Block Party in New Orleans! There you go newspapers….I write them for you.
“They call it tape Tony”- JT, getting kinda perturbed with Tony! Tony!
Jay said…Jeremy Shockey just called to say that the Falcons have been outplayed and outcoached in the first half.
Dammit Jay….you beat me to it.
10:22- “The Saints need 40 more yards to give Carney a 50 yarder”- JT, Well Joe….they are on their own forty if you get another 40 yards that’s at the 20 yard line…..add 17 yards for the FG, and that’s a 37 yarder. You were close though Joe.
Wait Joe it’s a 51 yarder….what yardline did they reach? Oh yea the 34.
So just a quick sidenote here. My roommate (not the first one but a different one) can fall asleep anywhere. Well right now he’s passed out cold on the couch. Do I mess with him?
“The Falcons didn’t want to get swept away with the Tide of Emotion”- TK, more hyperbole. Seriously, stop it.
JT blames the problems of the Falcons on the new field. The Saints seem to be having problems.
10:43- Marques Colston is not bad….not bad at all.
10:50- “Who says you have to be 6’5″ to play quarterback in the NFL?!?!”- JT, I’m pretty sure no one Joe. And in fact….I’m pretty sure that Big Ben is the only quarterback in the NFL that’s 6’5″.
10:53- Reggie Bush into the game…..”Reggie is the guy who can draw attention and you can’t forget about Ernie Cromwell”- JT
“Quick call the play third-and-goal”- TK
“Play Action”- JT
…….run up the middle
“I’m the worst”- JT
11:00- So I went to 7-11 at halftime to get a coffee, and was coaxed into an impulse buy. Two packs of UpperDeck Football cards….here they are:
Pack 1- TJ Whosyamomma, Larry Johnson, Champ Bailey, Willis McGahee, Keyshawn Johnson (Jersey Card Insert! But it’s red? And he’s playing for the Cowboys?), Issac Bruuuuuce, Jeremy “I dream of a threesome with a mother and daughter” Shockey, Ben Troupe, Adrian “Watch out for that Mascot” McPherson, and JJ Arrington.
Radio Man said… Actually, that big guy with the cheesy hair and mustache and cell phone told me that I should like 6-5, 230-pound quarterbacks with laser, rocket arms. So I like those, not Drew Brees.
Good point. Their advertising isn’t working on me.
11:06- Harry Con Jr. show up
Pack #2- First card….Mike Vick (look out N.O. this might be an omen), Ashley Lelie, Eric Moulds, D Jackson, Joe Horn! (uh oh another sign), Michael Bennett, Ciatrick Fason, Troy Williamson……damn three Vikes in a row (i’m sure there’s a triple headed dildo joke in there somewhere)
11:10- “The most the Falcons will have in this game is four posessions”- JT, I take that as a challenge. We’re on one right now.
“It’s brand new grass and the blades are long”- JT, Umm longer grass would lead me to believe that running would be slower, but that’s just me. He did bring up the beads, which is most definitely the reason.
11:15- “When the flag was thrown he must have seen something to take it out of his pants.”- JT
“Hahahahahaha……that’s a no commenter for me”- TK
“Tony sometimes it’s like having a little kid in here”- MT
Oh man oh man…..was that ever funny. I hope at least some of you are still up. Lines are being drawn!!!
OH MY GOD THIS IS GETTING AMAZING!
“Don’t you think that Atlanta wasn’t confident running the ball coming in?”- TK
“Yes I did, but then the Saints decided to be invincible”- JT
“That and the size of the field”- TK
I can’t even keep up with this anymore. Too F’ing funny…..keep it up Tony….onto the 4th!!!
11:24- Your sign of the night “Dirty Birds make Good Gumbo”…..at least the creative juices are flowing in N.O.
TV Viewing Update: Women’s Trick Shot on ESPN 2!!!!
Jay said… Just in case anyone was wondering the Cardinals lost and the Astros won again tonight. Cards 7.5 game lead is now only 2.5. Epic tank job in progress.
Wow….I might skip Deadspin tomorrow morning.
“Seize the second of this season”- Avery Johnson?
“Dancin’ Dartin’ and Dropped Down”- MT, Aliteration aside guys I think I’ll take my chances in the tournament.
That’s two possession Joe……11:15 left in the fourth.
Jay could basically do my job for me at this point (as if I get paid for this) but….
Jay said… Where the hell is Michelle Tafoya? Does she call it a night at halftime?
Very good question…..they’ve gone to Suzy about 5 times in the second half.
11:33- We’re coming up on the third possession Joe….anything you’d like to say? 9:29 left…..
11:36- Wow, Mike Vick with a hell of a run…..3o yards.
If the Saints DBs play like this all year look out for the Saints playoff run.
4th down conversion for the Falcons. Vick actually hit someone in stride.
11:41- The Asian Assassin makes himself known.
“This is like one of those Tom Brady drives like last night where it takes nine minutes and you run out of time”- TK, very good point. More importantly it’s ruining my 4 possessions challenge to Joey T.
11:48- Still no Michele Tafoya.
“I’m coming in lighter….my knee is coming back.”- JT, on Deuce. I’m channeling my inner Tony here but…..I would hope so.
4 possessions…..Joe is looking to be spot on. That pisses me off. 2 Minute Warning.
Radio Man said… Did Sean Payton really learn how to run out the clock from Bill Parcells?? That is why Parcells is a genius, because he knows to try to run out the clock when you have the lead and the ball late.
It’s true…..it’s so true.
11:56- Matt Wienart and Neil Everett standing by…….OH JOY!
4 possessions……Joe is right. Dammit.
Final….Saints 23- Falcons 3. Let the Good Times Roll. Good night all……New Orleans is back and 3-0?!?!?!?! See you next week for the Pack v. Eagles.
Quick Note: I’m going to be sappy here, but I’ve always felt that Sport emulates life. The city of New Orleans had their biggest home rebuilt, and now they can go back and (please god) rebuild the rest of the homes in that region. Even as the highlights are being replayed on SportsCenter you can hear the trumpets in the background. I think I’m going to take my first trip down to the Big Easy in this next year……who’s coming with me?