Taylor Swift brought her Eras Tour to Minnesota this week, and Chris Long of KSTP TV took the opportunity to work in several of Swift’s song titles into his sports update this weekend – and he flawlessly got all the way to 46.
“Wanna commemorate Taylor Swift’s weekend takeover of Minneapolis? If so, You Belong With Me. If not, You’re On Your Own Kid,” Long began his update. “Ready For It?
“Twins fans knew All Too Well a Cruel Summer might develop if they didn’t find some Daylight this week, but they got Out of The Woods with three-straight wins. Hoping the Goldrush continues seeking a fourth-straight win in Detroit, Pablo Lopez started, but Death By a Thousand Cuts, a Treacherous second inning – a failed double play, a walk and two bloop singles had the Twins seeing Red, down 3-0.
“In the sixth, the Fearless Carlos Correa trying to Shake It Off and oh, I Think He Knows – deep into the Lavender Haze for a Clean solo homer. It was 3-2 when the Twins loaded the bases in the 8th, but Alex Lang pulled the Invisible String on a Mean hook to say Peace to Royce Lewis.”
Long then shifted his broadcast to an ARCA Series race that included a fast-rising local driver – and he worked in a few more Swift titles.
“Last weekend, Eden Prairie’s William Sawalich had The Best Day. Driving as if in a Getaway Car to earn his win in auto racing’s ARCA Series. And he was The Man at Elko tonight – a homecoming as NASCAR’s feeder series ran close to home. He started on the pole, led 17 laps, ended up finishing second. William’s End Game is making it to NASCAR. When you’re already driving for famed Joe Gibbs Racing at age 16, the odds are Soon You’ll Get Better,” Long said. “It was Jesse Love playing the Antihero, spoiling William’s homecoming by winning tonight’s race.”
Then, Long shifted to boxing champion Caleb Truax.
“At age 39, Ausio native and former world boxing champ Caleb Truax may have been fighting to extend his Enchanted career tonight. The Armory has become Minnesota’s boxing Holy Ground, especially for Truax, who admitted that he probably had to beat Burley Brooks tonight to stay on track for another big fight. He trailed early but landed some good punches to close the gap a bit in the middle rounds. But in the end, Brooks earned a unanimous decision. We’ll have to wait to see if this is The Last Time we see Golden in the ring.”
And then Long shifted to track and field.
“The state of Minnesota is looking like The Last Great American Dynasty in shotput at track and field’s New York Grand Pris,” Long said. “That’s St. Francis-native Maggie Ewen winning the women’s event – she also took fourth in the hammer throw – and with a throw Bigger Than The Whole Sky, Rosemont native Payton Otterdahl was The 1 in the men’s shot put. Oh, Welcome to New York, Minnesotans. Champagne Problems for our local shotputters.”
Long then brought his Swift references to the MLS.
KSTP sports anchor @ChrisLongKSTP fits 45 @taylorswift13 song titles into his update pic.twitter.com/uKdbFzqvL1
— CJ Fogler account may or may not be notable (@cjzero) June 25, 2023
“Maybe a little Bad Blood as Minnesota United headed to Salt Lake tonight just two spots out of last place. Loons, hoping the first start this season for midfield Mastermind Emanuel Reynoso might give them some much-needed Karma. Rey assisted on United’s first goal, and All You Had To Do Is Stay for this cross – Reynoso nets his first of the year with Style,” Long said.
Then Long shifted to women’s soccer.
“Call It What You Want, the Minnesota Aurora have Haunted opponents. Maya Hansen was a Mad Woman, scoring twice in Milwaukee tonight. The Aurora clinched the division, winning two to Sweet Nothing,” Long said.
And then Long concluded his broadcast with an update on the Minnesota Golden Gophers men’s basketball team.
“In his Wildest Dreams, Ben Johnson would have a roster full of returning players as his Gopher basketball team begins summer workouts. Now, he doesn’t – but he certainly has more returners than he’s used to. Remember, he had to fill an entire roster in year one. Long Story Short, he has some cause for optimism,” Long said. “And Illinois four-star prospect Cam Christie is the top recruit Johnson got to sign on the Blank Space committing for next season.
“I think that was 44, Swifties,” Long said.
“Look What You Made Me Do. It’s Time To Go,” Long said, adding two more titles to bring his total to 46 songs.
It’s safe to say Long was Delicate in his delivery of all the references (this is me trying to emulate Long, but now I’ll just leave you in peace).
