kyle schwarber

There are few things quite as thrilling as hearing someone say bad words when they’re not supposed to. There’s that moment of uncertainty when you’re not sure what you actually heard, then a surge of juvenile giddiness when you realize that, yes, you heard that correctly.

Well Wednesday was a big night for on-air profanity. First, ESPN cameras caught a Philadelphia 76ers fan flipping Russell Westbrook a double-bird and yelling “Fuck you,” at the Oklahoma City Thunder star. Around the same time, Fox fell victim to a sensitive field mic as World Series Game 2 hero Kyle Schwarber rounded first base following an RBI single in the third inning and appeared to yell, “Suck my dick” into the Cubs dugout several times.

Here’s the full video of the hit and Schwarber’s color commentary:

This was particularly funny because the Fox broadcast team had just been talking about how mature and cerebral Schwarber is and how the Cubs brought him into their draft war war room and on and on. Of course, even the most sophisticated baseball player is still a baseball player at heart, so some level of meathead dorm-room humor is almost part of the deal.

It turns out, reports Yahoo’s Jeff Passan, that the recipient of Schwarber’s, er, instruction was Cubs catcher David Ross, who had teased the 23-year-old about not contributing enough in Game 1.

Ross, you see, is not just the lovable grandfather figure in the Cubs’ clubhouse, a 39-year-old hoping to ride into retirement with a ring. He is also a habitual line-stepper. After Game 1, he rode Schwarber hard. “One hit? That’s all?” he said. “Do something to help the team. Drive in a run or something.”

Schwarber did. And he made sure Ross and the entire Cubs’ dugout knew about it.

“I almost passed out laughing,” Ross said. “I love that guy. He is so tough mentally. He’s stayed with the team and been in every at-bat with us. That’s why he’s having success. He’s a natural-born hitter. But he has stayed engaged.”

It’s hard to know whether to laugh or shake your head at a grown man shouting, “Suck my dick” on national television, but the lesson, as always, is to keep the field microphones turned up.

About Alex Putterman

Alex is a writer and editor for The Comeback and Awful Announcing. He has written for The Atlantic, VICE Sports,, and more. He is a proud alum of Northwestern University and The Daily Northwestern. You can find him on Twitter @AlexPutterman.