He is one of the superstars of College Football Twitter, the internet coach whose buyout would be the largest if a Twitter account’s popularity could be monetized.
Fake Bo Pelini — @FauxPelini is the handle — creates ripples of laughs across the web, especially on college football Saturdays. When something spectacular (for better or worse) happens to Nebraska on the gridiron, you can count on Faux Pelini to deliver the goods.
During Saturday’s Nebraska-Wisconsin game, he didn’t disappoint.
Wisconsin Heisman Trophy candidate Melvin Gordon set a single-game Football Bowl Subdivision record with 408 rushing yards against the shellshocked Cornhuskers. Nebraska took a 17-3 lead 16 minutes into the game, only to surrender 49 points in the second and third quarters as Gordon genuinely ran wild.
As a 14-point lead turned into a fast-moving train wreck — with Gordon the conductor of the Badger Express — Faux Pelini appealed to the long arm of the law in Madison, Wis., for help.
The results were another part of College Football Twitter history:
.@UWMadison Please deliver the following to the visitors locker room ASAP:
1 blowtorch
3 hammers
2 baseball bats
1 polar bear
coffee— Faux Pelini (@FauxPelini) November 15, 2014
.@FauxPelini @UWMadison FYI…none of these are on our approved stadium carry-in list. Sorry for being #funhaters.
— UW-Madison Police (@UWMadisonPolice) November 15, 2014
I HAVE A NOTE FROM MY PSYCHIATRIST RT @UWMadisonPolice:FYI…none of these are on our approved stadium carry-in list.
— Faux Pelini (@FauxPelini) November 15, 2014
.@42proof @FauxPelini – ok, we'll approve the coffee and polar bear. Deal?
— UW-Madison Police (@UWMadisonPolice) November 15, 2014
@UWMadisonPolice Hey this is weird but our locker room accidentally caught on fire and 18 of our players slipped and fell into a mirror
— Faux Pelini (@FauxPelini) November 15, 2014
@FauxPelini Hmmm….that IS weird…
— UW-Madison Police (@UWMadisonPolice) November 15, 2014
@UWMadisonPolice also our starting defense fell down the stairs, you need to have those checked
— Faux Pelini (@FauxPelini) November 15, 2014
@FauxPelini Check your defense? Or the stairs? Pretty sure the stairs are in great shape.
— UW-Madison Police (@UWMadisonPolice) November 15, 2014
@UWMadisonPolice I think you should know that Melvin Gordon's license plates are expired can you arrest him pls
— Faux Pelini (@FauxPelini) November 15, 2014
@sevans1956 @FauxPelini @BoiledSports No license is required for #beastmode.
— UW-Madison Police (@UWMadisonPolice) November 15, 2014
It’s no wonder that Faux Pelini would want Gordon to be arrested by the Madison Police Department. No single player has humiliated the real Pelini and his assistant, defensive coordinator John Papuchis, to a greater extent over the past three years. An explanation can be found in this Student Section story on the national significance of Wisconsin’s 59-24 rout. A Badger-focused assessment of Gordon’s huge day can be found in this piece from Andrew Coppens at Bloguin’s Wisconsin site, MadTown Badgers.
Melvin Gordon unleashed 418 yards of destructive fury on the real Pelini’s defense. The internet Pelini put up a much more spirited attempt to rein in Wisconsin’s Heisman candidate. When a parody version of a college football coach is more proactive in stopping an opposing running back, you know the actual coach has severe problems… and a crisis situation which — in a sane world — should mean the forced termination of Papuchis, his defensive coordinator.
