The Simmons Review- V.7

(Note from the Editor: I’m running out of different Simmons pics to post for each of these. Don’t hate me if I reuse one)

So this is the article we’ve been waiting three years for…..the poker article from the God of Vegas…..ESPN has finally sent Simmons to VEGAS BABY!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!! I can’t contain my joy….oh yea I can.

First thing that ticks me off is that this thing is two pages long. He’s been hyping this up forever! Second, Mike McD isn’t real…..stop acting like he is. It was a movie. I liked it too, but when I play poker I don’t try to channel my inner Mikey like you. Third, he tells us nothing about who he saw there…..celebrities or “Poker Pros”. Fourth, he’s extremely inaccurate with some of poker’s history….

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“ESPN Popularized the pocket cam and made the game easier to understand.”

…..Not true at all. The WPT on the Travel Channel was the first to use it. ESPN copied it, well you know, like they do everything else. Also, is it really a hard game to understand? Maybe to understand the people you’re playing against, but the game is pretty straightforward.

And lastly (and most importantly), he’s a whinny bitch. Bad beats are a part of the game, but he had two pair…..that’s not a strong hand. I mean it’s the second worst hand to have in the game. It’s a game of chance….not a sport. The only redeeming quality of the article is that he didn’t come out and say that it was a sport.

Grading: After hearing about this crap for years and years this is the most uninspired dribble I’ve ever read. Thank god that’s over…..1 Poker chip out of 5 (and yes I know that’s technically three but imagine it as one)

Quick Recap of Simmons Last Five Articles (not including old Madden columns that went up today):

5. An Awful Column where he takes a dump on the entire National League (Karma bites him in the ass and the Sox are swept at home by the Yankees).
4. A crappy ass Poker column where he just whines.
3. His Summer Movie Reviews (one was The Devil Wears Prada)
2. An okay column for the Mag on how to change the Sports World (this column probably took him 14 minutes to write)
1. An awful comparison of Larry Bird and David Ortiz

……keep up the good work my friend.

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