The Bill Simmons Podcast Archives

Bill Simmons makes bizarre Milton Berle penis analogy to describe the Philadelphia Eagles

"They've only had to pull out five or six inches of it during the season, but I think it's Milton Berle sized."

"I just don't see it. How many great initial quarterbacks have we had?"

Simmons' "Million-Dollar Picks" are down $854,000 on the year.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, I feel like I'm going to get struck by lightning."

"I’ve never heard anyone hype up a … decent performance"

"Couldn't she come back and do an angle where she and Test are having an affair?"

“It shouldn’t even be close to the hot seat."

“This was only a couple of years ago. Now, they get Aaron Rodgers and everything’s good."

"We gotta keep propping her up, pretending she's a superstar. She's not a superstar. She's really, honestly never been a superstar.”

"What I didn’t know was the fury, at least it appeared to be fury to me, that JJ Redick was feeling over the subject."

"For the first time in my career, I went to the bosses and I was like, ‘Yo, I can’t do this. Not this.’"

“Are we sure Bradley Beal instead of Landry Shamet makes any difference in the Nuggets series?"

"Should we go on Rogan and debate it?”

"Are we the only sane people here?”

"It just seems like God is like, ‘I like this Heat team'"

The Suns hired Frank Vogel on Friday, giving him a massive five-year, $31 million deal. Simmons had said for weeks they were hiring Kevin Young.

"This about sums it up."

"'Plotting' definitely 100% a word I didn’t use or even insinuate."