Bill Simmons is no stranger to analogies and metaphors. One could argue that The Ringer founder is the Michael Jordan of such comparisons.
But while Simmons has built a sports media empire with tropes such as likening NBA offseason moves to Almost Famous quotes and invoking Patrick Ewing every time a star player gets injured, not all of his analogies land. Such was the case on Monday’s episode of The Bill Simmons Podcast, as The Sports Guy told a story about a family vacation more than 30 years ago, which ended with an unexpected punchline.
“I was in Acapulco once with my mom and my stepdad and Geoff Gallo, the best man in my wedding, in the 80s,” Simmons told Ryen Russillo. “And we got lost. It was pre-navigation systems. Had the maps and we’re just driving around and we get really lost. And we’re going down this one road and it’s dark and we’re like, ‘Well we should go down there and maybe that’s gonna lead to a street.’ And my mom all of a sudden, she’s like, ‘No, we can’t go down that road.’ There was something about the road going that way, it just freaked her out. She was like, ‘No, turn around, let’s just go back. I don’t wanna go down that road.’ She didn’t like something.
“It’s kind of how I feel about Paul George in Philly and I’m still sorting my feelings out.”
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I’m going to give this an 8 out of 10 on the Simmons scale. All it’s missing is a forced pop culture reference and a more overt pro-Boston slant.
Listening to Simmons’ story in real-time, I was fully expecting some sort of revelation about his mom’s intuition being proven correct. Heck, I was even bracing myself for there to be a supernatural element to pay off the premise.
But nope, Bill’s mom just had a bad feeling about that road, and the quartet of her, her husband, Bill, and Geoff Gallo trusted it enough to turn around. And I had become so invested in the story that I totally forgot Simmons and Russillo were previously discussing George’s departure from the Los Angeles Clippers, which made the punchline of “it’s kind of how I feel about Paul George in Philly” hit even harder.
Based on the reaction to the story, I wasn’t alone, as many have shared the clip on social media and commented on its hilarious nature.
Throughout his storied career, Simmons has never been shy to add humor to his analysis. But when it comes to comparing a gut feeling his mom once had on a family vacation three decades ago to his thoughts on Paul George joining the 76ers, it’s fair to wonder where the analogy registers on his own unintentional comedy scale.
