Bill Simmons talks about players dropping the ball at the goal line Credit: The Bill Simmons Podcast
By Sam Neumann on

It must suck to not appreciate Steph Curry in his prime.

According to the greatest orator of our generation, it’s like hating blowjobs.

Yes, you read that correctly. He really went there.

Bill Simmons loves a “Steph Curry night,” almost as much as he loves blowjobs, apparently.

The Golden State Warriors were the beneficiaries of a “Steph Curry night” in Saturday’s win over the Houston Rockets. As the Warriors took a 2-1 series lead, Curry had 36 points, nine assists, and seven rebounds.

Watching him is an art form. Simmons would probably say it’s like watching a masterpiece come to life, or something like that. But how could anyone hate Curry? That’s like hating sunshine or fresh air. You must be out of your mind. You must hate blowjobs.

“It’s like hating blowjobs,” Simmons quipped. “I mean, how do you hate Steph Curry. It’s ridiculous. What’s to hate?”

There’s nothing to hate, for starters, especially the analogy.

If anything, we should appreciate how Ryen Russillo has become so accustomed to Simmons’ analogies that he can chuckle through it and still offer some semblance of a coherent thought.

His good friend did clock him for being “horny,” though.

If Bill Simmons waxing poetic about Steph Curry and blowjobs wasn’t the mental image you wanted in your head, don’t worry, the Ringer founder has already done us one better. He’s the master of his domain, or this analogy form. In fact, he just recently asked if NFL players dropping balls at the goal line is like having an orgasm, complete with a demo of his, well, orgasm face, which was a little too fitting not to be the featured image for this article.

Maybe you’ll start appreciating Steph Curry’s brilliance a little more, or at least appreciate that no one delivers an analogy quite like the sports guy. Because if hating Curry means you hate blowjobs, what does appreciating him mean?

Tune into next week’s episode of The Bill Simmons Podcast to find out!

About Sam Neumann

Since the beginning of 2023, Sam has been a staff writer for Awful Announcing and The Comeback. A 2021 graduate of Temple University, Sam is a Charlotte native, who currently calls Greenville, South Carolina his home. He also has a love/hate relationship with the New York Mets and Jets.

View all posts by Sam Neumann