Everyone thinks Dan Orlovsky is a weird dude, which seems weird to Dan Orlovsky.
While most people attempt to mask their weirdness out of fear of being mocked, Orlovsky, to his credit, appears to embrace it. And the more Orlovsky reveals about himself, the weirder he is perceived to be. Orlovsky joined The Dan Le Batard Show Monday morning and was promptly asked about his weird takes, specifically, which ones his ESPN NFL Live co-hosts enjoy mocking the most.
“For sure, the food stuff. The food thoughts that I have or like, the simplicity of it blows their mind,” Orlovsky said, adding that his co-hosts Marcus Spears, Mina Kimes and Laura Rutledge have more polished palates.
Among Orlovsky’s weirdest food takes are his love for bland, grilled, unseasoned chicken breasts, his affinity for plain nachos, desire to drink red wine with ice cubes, belief that chocolate chip cookies are overrated and admission of keeping only salt and pepper in his spice cabinet.
“I routinely just eat plain grilled chicken. Not seasoned. Just give me a piece of chicken, grill it, cook it and I’ll just cube it up and eat it,” Orlovsky said before admitting he’ll partake in the “occasional dip in the ketchup.”
“When I do nachos, I just do chips, cheese, chicken,” Orlovsky continued. “There’s nothing else on the nachos. I don’t like salsa. I don’t like spice. I don’t like jalapenos. Sour cream is gross. Refried beans make no sense to my mind. So just chips, cheese, chicken.”
I used to get annoyed by people with limited palates, but after coming to the realization that they can’t necessarily help disliking certain foods, I started to feel bad for them. No one should have to go through life being a picky eater. But Orlovsky might be the worst of the picky eaters, admitting to Le Batard that he likes different foods when he tries them, he just doesn’t incorporate them into his repertoire, making his limited palate much harder to tolerate.
“It’s weird though, cause like, when I’m around them, I will taste different foods, and I’ll be like, ‘Wow, this actually is really good.’ But then I don’t actually implement it into my life,” Orlovsky said. “I love when people lose their minds over how weird I am. I find it fascinating that I can be like, ‘Yo, I like this food and everyone’s like, ‘OH MY GOD.’”
It’s not just Orlovsky’s food takes that cause people to lose their minds. There was the time he snubbed Joe Montana from his list of top-five quarterbacks. Or the time he offered the strange hygiene opinion that he will use the same bath towel to dry himself for at least 30 showers before washing it.
“How quickly does mildew show up in a towel?” Orlovsky asked Le Batard in defense of his 30-shower hot take. “We do laundry in our house basically every day…throwing more towels in there, my wife’s gonna hate me more.”
Orlovsky overuses his towel to make life easier on his wife, which is thoughtful. What wasn’t thoughtful was the time Orlovsky told the world about his wife’s pooping schedule. Weird dude.
