The Cowboys went ahead and officially¬†released Lucky Whitehead today despite Whitehead having done beyond being a victim of mistaken identity. (Well, he also had his dog kidnapped and held for ransom, so there’s that, too.)

But considering Ezekiel Elliott is still being feted by owner/overlord Jerry Jones and head coach/lackey Jason Garrett, it’s somewhat obvious that Whitehead’s being released for committing the ultimate NFL offense: repeatedly having your name in the headlines while not being an elite player, whether or not you’ve done anything wrong. There’s nothing NFL people hate more than the proverbial “distraction”, whether or not it actually qualifies as one.

For a great example, here’s Jason Garrett in his stupid, omnipresent “casual Cyclops” sunglasses, taking the podium to answer questions about Whitehead’s seemingly baseless release. If you’re hoping to hear some genuine insight into why the Cowboys went through with it anyway, well, you must not be familiar with how NFL coaches operate:

So, there you have it: Jason Garrett won’t be answering the question beyond that prepared statement. Of course, the only possible answer is to admit guilt, and clearly Garrett and Jones aren’t ones for mea culpas, which leaves Garrett looking like an idiot while making a mockery of the idea that the media and fans are entitled to any information about the workings of a team. (Despite this being, as you might be aware, a fan-financed enterprise.)

Anyway, here’s Garret’s answers in a format that perhaps best illustrates how ridiculous it was:

About Jay Rigdon

Jay is a columnist at Awful Announcing. He is not a strong swimmer. He is probably talking to a dog in a silly voice at this very moment.