By Ben Koo on

The White Lotus returned Sunday night to HBO for those who enjoy juggling the anxiety of eccentric rich people while also attempting to solve a murder mystery.

A few minutes into the premiere, we were gifted with what looks to be an absolutely delightful plot about a family divided by the rivalry between the North Carolina Tar Heels and Duke Blue Devils.

* Spoilers Ahead *

Of the three sets of vacationing groups (a staple of the show), the most cringe-worthy group — by far — was the Ratliff family, a well-to-do family from North Carolina. Timothy Ratliff (Jason Issacs), the head of his own finance company, is already under pressure. News breaks that he may soon face serious scrutiny for his involvement in past financial crimes, but that’s not even the biggest conflict on his hands.

Early in the episode, he states that they are only vacationing in Thailand because their middle child, Piper, is a senior at UNC and is there to interview a monk for a school project.

And just like that, the family vacation transforms into an all-out battle of Tobacco Road allegiances.

Timothy’s wife, Victoria (Parker Posey), whose North Carolina accent might end up making the Mount Rushmore of things to ever air on HBO, explains to the hotel staff in her over-the-top, yet perfect drawl, “I was also a Tar Heel, But Timothy went to Duke; Saxon graduated Duke. Lachlan, our youngest, just got accepted to both. So, you can imagine it’s a whole thing.”

And there we have it. Battle lines have been drawn.

We have a wife and one kid on the UNC team.

We have a husband and one kid on team Duke.

We have the youngest Ratliff child who is undecided and making his school decision while in Thailand, to which Timothy later says in the episode, “What’s the decision? You got into Duke. You’re going to Duke.”

I was not alone in being enthralled with the Duke vs. North Carolina family rivalry plot.

It’s so good.

I absolutely cannot wait for more of this family melting down and showing their ass. I’m already predicting a Parker Posey Emmy nomination.

We have two major mysteries this season: Who gets murdered and why? And, perhaps even more pressingly, will Lachlan choose Duke or North Carolina — assuming he makes it out alive?

This should be fun.

About Ben Koo

Owner and editor of @AwfulAnnouncing. Recovering Silicon Valley startup guy. Fan of Buckeyes, A's, dogs, naps, tacos. and the old AOL dialup sounds

View all posts by Ben Koo