Stephen A. Smith commenting on the vulture that hit his office window.

The news of a turkey vulture crashing into Stephen A. Smith’s office window on ESPN’s Bristol, Connecticut campus was funny enough in its own right, but Smith’s response later in the day elevated that further. Here’s what Smith had to say about it:

“I heard, I heard the news, I heard a turkey vulture crashed into the window of my office. Clearly, it was looking for me! But CONTRARY to what some of you out there may believe, it wasn’t coming to do me harm! It wasn’t coming at me because it was disgusted with some of my takes! It came to my office because it missed me! It missed me, it was sad. Because it had been roaming around Bristol, Connecticut. Have you been in Bristol, Connecticut? There’s a whole bunch of those things around, okay?!”

“So why would it come to my office? You know why it came to my office? Because it missed me. Because it knows Stevie A. don’t just love kids, he loves animals too, he loves all types of stuff too. Any of God’s creatures, Stevie A. loves. That’s what happened! And that’s why he crashed into that window! He said ‘Damn it, come back! Come back!’ But I had to let him know, I’m not there any more. I’m based out of New York and LA. I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Let’s make sure we take care of one of God’s creatures. That’s what we always want to do. Because Stevie A. don’t just love kids, he loves all of God’s creatures. Even turkey vultures. Yes, it’s true.”

What’s really remarkable about this is how it demonstrates the ability “Stevie A.” has to be emphatic on command, able to get up in arms about literally anything at the drop of a hat. That helps feed into the “absurd character” characterizations. But hey, at least with a vulture, Stephen A. has a lower chance of being factually incorrect. Perhaps he should stick to vultures and forget sports.

[Stephen A. Smith on Twitter]

About Andrew Bucholtz

Andrew Bucholtz is a staff writer for Awful Announcing.