Chris Russo hates traffic, turkey, Thanksgiving, and people: ‘And that includes my kids!’

If you’re heading to Chris “Mad Dog” Russo’s house for Thanksgiving, just know that he doesn’t want you there. And that includes his kids.

ESPN has morphed into a Thanksgiving hot take machine this week. First, Adam Schefter pitched the idea that Thanksgiving should usurp the last weekend of every month. And while Schefter wants more Thanksgiving, Russo took the opposite approach, arriving to his “What Are You Mad About” segment on First Take seemingly hellbent on wiping the holiday off the calendar.

The only thing Dog hates more than people is Thanksgiving pic.twitter.com/VqZdPqYuHb

— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) November 22, 2023

“I want to watch football and be left alone!” Russo yelled. “And instead, I got 45 people, my mother getting trampled – who’s 90 years of age – by the in-laws. And I gotta sit there and I can’t watch my football! I wanna get up at 10 o’clock, do my little jog, run, come home, gummy at five to 12 and sit there and not move from that couch for nine hours!”

Family, fun, food, and football. Thanksgiving is damn near the perfect holiday. That of course assumes you like a few of life’s staples: family, fun, food, and football. It also assumes your in-laws can handle being in the same room as your 90-year-old mother without trampling the poor woman.

“I HATE, can’t stand it. It’s a disaster. And Christmas is coming, which is worse!” Russo continued. “I HATE THANKSGIVING. I CAN’T STAND IT! Touch football with the guys at Calvert Field in Syosset and then quiet, that’s what I want! I don’t want to be in traffic! I don’t want to eat carrots, yams, turkey, gravy and pumpkin pie! I can’t stand it.”

“It’s not just the traffic, it’s people,” Russo preached. “You can have my family! Let me hang out with the two dogs and sit there all day and not be bothered. I don’t want people in my life, and that includes my kids!”

Harsh. These are the same kids that tipped Russo off on gummies a few years ago by dropping some in his Christmas stocking as a gift. Now those same gummies rank above his kids in the hierarchy of Russo’s life.

[First Take]