The Pop Tart Mascot sacrifices itself for the Kansas State Wildcats.
College FootballBy Awful Announcing Staff on

Bowl season has been hit by cries of irrelevance for the last few years. With the rise of the College Football Playoff, the other non-playoff or New Year’s Six bowl games have taken a backseat. That will only increase when the playoff expands to 12 teams next year. The bigger issue is the tidal wave of opt-outs and incredibly bizarre timing of the transfer portal that leaves teams a shadow of their regular season selves, turning bowl season into little more than television time fillers for sports networks and betting degenerates alike.

Thankfully, the college football world has finally found a solution to the sliding irrelevance of bowl season – zany sponsors and mascots.

The Duke’s Mayo Bowl has been the highlight of bowl season the past couple of years, with announcers and coaches going all-in to find as many weird ways as possible to incorporate mayonnaise into the broadcast and postgame celebrations. But then the newly christened Pop Tarts Bowl went and upped the ante and gave us one of the greatest celebrations of sports and American culture that we’ve ever seen.

It all started when the Pop-Tarts mascot popped out of a giant toaster before the game in a production that was worthy of the Super Bowl.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdVZECzkICA

The entire selling point of the game was that the Pop Tart mascot was an actual, edible snack and would be devoured live on national television by the winning team. And it did not disappoint. The Pop Tart mascot went back into the toaster, willingly sacrificing itself for a hungry group of victorious Kansas State Wildcats, who had just defeated NC State 28-19.

It was, without a doubt, the sporting highlight of the year.

It’s all here – gratuitous presentation, the mascot holding a sign that is looking forward to his impending demise in a very powerful religious allegory, an over-the-top announcer, the team circled around like they’re watching some kind of 1800’s wild west hanging, the jarring choice of “Hot Stuff” by Donna Summer as the soundtrack, and the cheer from the crowd when the first bite is taken.

Even in the carnage, it was all joy from the Pop-Tarts Bowl as the edible mascot got to run his race and live out his dream.

Needless to say, the entire college football universe was impressed with what is surely now the climax of the season.

If only this had been how all bowl games were approached, then Brent Musburger’s famous “This is for all the Tostitos” would have had a whole new meaning.