‘Big Noon Kickoff’ won’t beat ‘College GameDay,’ but here’s how it could

Let’s be honest about something right up top. Regardless of the jolt Dave Portnoy gave to the rivalry between the two college football pregame shows, Fox’s Big Noon Kickoff is not going to catch ESPN’s College GameDay in the ratings.

Two years ago, BNK had a shot. There were weeks when they were neck-and-neck with their more established counterpart. Last year, however, they seemed to downshift, focusing more on Big Ten games they were broadcasting, even if the matchups were mediocre. GameDay, meanwhile, posted all-time best numbers thanks to the force of nature that is Pat McAfee, the aura of Nick Saban, and its weekly appearances at the biggest games in the country.

This year, Fox broke the seal on mainstreaming Portnoy and Barstool. The objective seems clear: Make enough noise to challenge CGD on Saturdays, or at least disrupt their success enough to make it seem like a fight.

8 burning questions around the ‘College GameDay’ vs. ‘Big Noon Kickoff’ rivalry

We’ll get a good look at this new and improved(?) BNK on Saturday when it literally goes head-to-head with GameDay in Columbus. They won the initial PR battle this week thanks to the Portnoy ban (that might not be a ban, but that’s semantics now). Still, we don’t expect the ratings to be too close. This being Lee Corso’s final GameDay makes them a juggernaut impossible to overcome.

If we had to guess, Fox will want to have it both ways with BNK, and in doing so, they won’t get the full bang for their buck. They’ll straddle the line between Portnoy’s brash Barstool antics and the buttoned-up stoicism of Urban Meyer and Brady Quinn, while sacrificing the most strategic weekly locations for “best for business” ones. And by the end of the season, CGD will have eaten their lunch once more.

Now, I’d say that we’re not ones to impose how we’d handle a situation like this, but that’s basically what we do here at Awful Announcing. And while I couldn’t promise anything, we do have some thoughts on how BNK could get a lot closer to CGD this season.

Everything is Wrestling

My apologies to non-wrestling enthusiasts, but there are many similarities between BNK vs. CGD and the Monday Night Wars of the 1990s. One of the golden rules of that era was to ensure that you didn’t give viewers a reason to change the channel to the other show during boring segments or commercials. This week’s “ban” drama was a good start, but BNK would be wise to figure out how to mine that kind of attention again next week. Play up personal preferences. Pit conference against conference. Get heated on set. Lean into being heels. And as Steven Godfrey pointed out, next time, don’t give the school time to refute your angle.

Go Full McAfee

Portnoy was obviously brought in to be BNK’s answer to Pat McAfee. While the Barstool boss is, in some ways, what McAfee strives to be, there’s no denying the cult of personality Pat brings to GameDay. The CGD crowd adores McAfee, and he makes a meal out of it. To match that, Portnoy needs to be in the crowd, handing out cash, kissing babies, reviewing local pizza chains, etc. He can’t just show up, sit behind the studio desk, talk smack, and call it a day.

Also, there’s bad blood between these guys, and McAfee is easy to bait. Use that!

Shadow GameDay Wherever They Go

FS1 appears to have a directive to prioritize the value of games they’re broadcasting when selecting BNK’s location. We’d love to see the data that supports doing that. But if the goal is to bump BNK’s numbers, it makes more sense to send them to that weekend’s biggest showdown regardless of whatever’s on Fox. Even better, be the literal thorn in GameDay’s side and shadow them all season long. Make noise, bang your drums, and take up real estate. It’s a little brother move, but you might as well own it, forcing big brother to recognize and react to you. In doing so, you become their rival.

All of that said, considering GameDay is off to Michigan-Oklahoma next week while BNK is heading to Iowa-Iowa State, we pretty much have our answer on how this is gonna go.

Figure Out What It Is You Do

In the I Think You Should Leave sketch “Chunky,” a game show host gets increasingly infuriated with a mascot who doesn’t seem to know what his “deal” is. “You have to figure out what Chunky does before you come out here,” the host berates him. When you think of GameDay, they have a lot of memorable bits. Lee Corso’s headgear. McAfee’s kicking contest, the guest picker. The commercial break meal.

What does BNK have? We need several authentic, recurring bits that can bridge the divide. Not goofy one-offs or GameDay mimicry. Figure out what it is you do!

Loosen Up Urban

One of GameDay’s biggest strengths is the balance that all of its analysts bring to the table. Saban is the guru, Herbstreit is the rock, and McAfee is the buffoon, but if you lost one of them, the center would hold.

BNK’s center is Urban Meyer, at least until Portnoy arrived. And he remains the figure that brings the most gravitas and credibility to the show. But whereas Saban has loosened up, Meyer still has that head coach stick up his butt that keeps him from being a magnetic presence. If we’re gonna go toe-to-toe between championship coaches, we need Urban to get excited and remember he’s on television now, not the sidelines. Put him in a mascot costume or band leader uniform and get silly!