Studies show that 84 percent of soccer viewers only watch the sport because Cristiano Ronaldo is hot.*
And that makes this heresy especially galling:
As highlighted on RMTV yesterday, Catalan national TV PHOTOSHOPPED Cristiano's stomach! pic.twitter.com/xE4puCEdOH
— Phil Kitromilides (@PhilKitro) July 14, 2016
Curse those Catalonian Barcelona supporters, depriving us of Ronaldo’s inspiring physique. Of course, the evil minds behind this Photoshop job could not have expected to get away with this crime. More people have seen Cristiano Ronaldo’s abs than watched the Super Bowl last year. My sister couldn’t tell you the capital of Portugal, but she could sketch Ronaldo’s torso from memory.
Because, you know, the guy isn’t shy about showing off his body.
Whoever you are — man, woman, gay, straight, whatever — you should stop and appreciate the majesty of Cristiano Ronaldo’s body. And also stop and curse Catalan national TV for trying to deprive you of it.
*Note: studies do not actually show this. We’re left to assume some people just like soccer.