“Boundaryless, aggressively European and if you are anywhere near him, his stink will get all over you.”
That is how Last Week Tonight host John Oliver described FIFA President Sepp Blatter this week, after calling him the Pepé le Pew of soccer in one of the most apt descriptions of a man whose stench has nearly destroyed everything in his path while in charge of the largest sports governing body in the world. (This clip is NSFW.)
https://youtu.be/nAGgv_Po5d4
Is there a more Blatter-like character in the cartoon universe this?
https://youtu.be/OP7k4LXM1rE
Still unsure, are we?
Oliver also pointed out in his latest FIFA screed that there is virtually no one left to run FIFA, mentioning the recent ouster of Secretary General Jerome Valke, as well as the suspension of FIFA Vice President, UEFA President and heir apparent to Blatter in February’s emergency election, Michel Platini, who is caught up in this scandal almost as much as Blatter after reports of a two-million dollar payment for “previous work” was recently disclosed.
Oliver made sure to mention that the acting FIFA president in Blatter’s absence is Issa Hayatou, who himself faced allegations of taking a bribe that helped secure the 2022 World Cup bid for Qatar, essentially the scandal that served as the genesis for multiple investigations that are currently ripping FIFA apart from the inside.
Visiting the FIFA executive committee page on the organization’s website, the image at the top of the list of ExCo members looks like it was taken from a scene in a Bond movie as it cuts to a bunker for an evil crime syndicate, and that’s because FIFA has basically become an evil crime syndicate from a Bond movie under Blatter.
Go through the list of FIFA executive committee members on that page and try to find the ones who aren’t embroiled in some kind of corruption.
How about, oh I don’t know, Marco Polo Del Nero from Brazil? His nation just held the last World Cup, and as a member of the FIFA executive committee from one of the most important soccer nations in the world, one would assume he would be clean. No?
No.
Marco Polo Del Nero left Switzerland along with members of his personal delegation, amid reports that he was panicked by the arrest of his predecessor Jose Maria Marin in Zurich the previous day.
Del Nero was not mentioned in the Department of Justice’s 47-count indictment against 14 persons. Hypothetically, if the U.S. wished to extradite him in the future it would be unable to do so from Brazilian shores, due to the limited extradition treaty between the countries.
That, per Martin Rogers of USA Today, was from May when Del Nero fled before voting to have Sepp Blatter removed from office. That vote never actually took place, however, as Blatter stunned the world by resigning, though opting to stay on until February when he could presumably hand over the reins to Platini.
Should we find one more? Let’s find one more.
How about Spanish football leader and FIFA Vice President Angel Maria Villar Llona, who last week was prospectively tabbed to run UEFA should Platini be forced to step down as president of that organization during his FIFA suspension.
This from the Telegraph in November 2014:
Vice-president Angel Maria Villar Llona of Spain, Worawi Makudi from Thailand and Michel D’Hooghe from Belgium were among the names being looked at by Fifa’s chief investigator, according to sources close to the world governing body. Former executive committee member (Franz) Beckenbauer, who remains involved in football, was also under investigation by American attorney Michael J Garcia.
Villar Llona could face action for the fact that one of the federations involved in the Spain-Portugal bid for the 2018 tournament was deemed by the summary to have been “particularly uncooperative”.
That [Garcia] report also contains allegations of vote-swapping between their bid team – led by Villar Llona – and that of Qatar 2022, which Blatter has previously confirmed took place.
Try it at home. Though I will warn that this game would be more fun to play if—as Oliver continues to point out—it didn’t stink so damn much.
