Twitter is a mysterious beast, filled with the trappings of normal society, with the luxury of it being mostly meaningless internet fodder. Some use the medium to break news, as newly founded tweeter @TotallyManU decided he wanted to do.  Deadspin chronicled his or her remarkable journey that should be told for generations to come.

@TotallyManU wanted to be a global social-networking anonymous Twitter person, breaking news to all of its devoted fans. The account posted its first tweet on Aug. 17.

But @TotallyManU was already in trouble. And, as he or she repeatedly stated, the brains behind the account left a job to do this so you’d better be receptive.

The title of the account was also a miscalculation: Calling Manchester United “Man U” is reviled among Manchester United supporters. A fact that forced @TotallyManU to apologize. You would think someone who left their job to dedicate themselves to their favorite team would know this. Perhaps this was a sign that @TotallyManU was doomed from the start.

In two short days @TotallyManU was on a journey of legitimization, trying to get this Twitter account, which was referred to as a “company,” into the discussion. The first step was trying to contact Manchester United executive vice president Ed Woodward. This was unsuccessful.

And finally:

But this secretive CEO didn’t stop at trying to call one person for two hours. @TotallyManU went to serious lengths to get his followers the news they crave. First, unveiling a plan to reach into savings – after already leaving a job – to track down Angel Di Maria in Madrid. No one was taking phone calls, a plane trip had to be done.

Then, when nothing came of that, the next step would be to get verified on Twitter, after not doing anything other than stating plans for breaking news. This individual was a CEO of a global social-networking company that breaks news, after all.

Accruing 1,200 followers in that short of a period without saying anything is impressive. But the backlash and truly hilarious comments to some tweets were too much for @TotallyManU. This person gave up a job to bring you the news and plan Instagram hangouts and for what? To be ridiculed? Good for nothing, ungrateful Internet folk don’t know an opportunity for breaking news when they see one.

And thus ended @TotallyManU’s time on Twitter. Date of demise: Aug. 21.

Ed Woodward is still not taking his calls.


About Jonathan Biles

Jonathan Biles is a staff writer for Awful Announcing.