From the “you can not be serious” department comes the most amazingly brazen and shameless story I have seen in a long, long time.

This week a movie entitled United Passions is debuting at the Cannes Film Festival.  What is United Passions you ask?  It’s a dramatic motion picture telling the glorious story of FIFA.

Yes, that FIFA.  The FIFA that has come to earn its reputations as one of the most disgraceful and corrupt organizations in the world.

United Passions focuses on the history of the World Cup and three of FIFA’s Presidents – Jules Rimet, Joao Havelange, and yep, even current FIFA President Sepp Blatter.  Here’s the laugh-out-loud trailer, which actually features legitimate actors you may have heard of in Tim Roth, Gérard Depardieu, and Sam Neill.  It just happens to be missing all the bribery scenes and the stories about migrant workers dying in Qatar.

How did this ridiculous idea of a film come to be you may be asking now?  FIFA reportedly spent tens of millions of dollars to make it happen.  The Daily Mail puts FIFA’s investment in this glorified infomercial at 16 million pounds, or almost 27 million US dollars.  Even better, Blatter was reportedly very “hands-on” in the production of the film, even ordering script changes.  So you just know this will be a real cutting-edge portrayal.

Incredibly, Sepp Blatter has now confirmed his status as a real life Montgomery Burns.  The epic biopic at a film festival seals it.  We can only hope Senor Spielbergo is also the director for this film.

Also, we can only hope that crowds respond to this film in this manner and see right through its indignities…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kp_S9q9sHWE

Oh, and finally, we can only hope that Blatter’s film gets beat at Cannes by Hans Moleman Productions’ “Man Getting Hit By Football.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mV1LWhNpTJU

About Matt Yoder

Award winning sportswriter at The Comeback and Awful Announcing. The biggest cat in the whole wide world.

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