I woke up today thinking, 'What's missing from my life?' My mom would say it's a bride. My dad might say it's a seven-figure salary and a retirement fund. But I've realized that, more than either of those luxuries, I've been waiting for a television cartoon featuring Mike Tyson, a magical face tattoo and a talking pigeon. Ideally, the pigeon would serve as Tyson's sidekick as the two teamed up to solve mysteries. 

Thanks to Adult Swim, my life is now in order.

In a new comedy series slated to premiere later next season on the Cartoon Network, Tyson will become animated, giving stoners across the country another reason to chuckle.

From the network's release:

In the new animated comedy series Mike Tyson Mysteries, Mike Tyson is taking the fight from the boxing ring to the streets… by solving mysteries! Armed with a magical tattoo on his face and a trusty associate by his side — a talking pigeon — if you have a problem that needs solving, Iron Mike is in your corner. The series incorporates live-action appearances featuring Mighty Mike himself, and the gloves come off as the former heavyweight champ and his fowl-mouthed partner gear up for weekly adventures as they put unsolved mysteries — like how to defeat a super computer at chess or why a famous author/werewolf can’t finish his novel — down for the count. Animated quarter-hour from Warner Bros Animation.

No program in television history has tapped into my zaniest dreams quite like this one. Congratulations, Adult Swim. You had me at "Mike Tyson," but you sold me a lifetime subscription at "talking pigeon."

About Brad Gagnon

Brad Gagnon has been passionate about both sports and mass media since he was in diapers -- a passion that won't die until he's in them again. Based in Toronto, he's worked as a national NFL blog editor at theScore.com, a producer and writer at theScore Television Network and a host, reporter and play-by-play voice at Rogers TV. His work has also appeared at CBSSports.com, Deadspin, FoxSports.com, The Guardian, The Hockey News and elsewhere at Comeback Media, but his day gig has him covering the NFL nationally for Bleacher Report.