ronburgundytall

He may be a news anchor by trade rather than a sportscaster, but Ron Burgundy seems like a very appropriate fit for our modern sports world. It’s not hard to picture him yelling at Skip Bayless on First Take, or hitting on Michelle Beadle during SportsNation, or dominating Around The Horn or taking Pardon The Interruption’s title as an invitation to constantly interrupt. That’s why the casting of Anchorman with ESPN types made so much sense, and it’s also why Burgundy was a perfect guest for The Dan Patrick Show this week. Here are some of the highlights of the conversation between Burgundy and Patrick:

Dan Patrick’s introduction of Burgundy: “A legendary newsman, a man who I can honestly say was a role model, and I loved the documentary; people say it was a movie, but that first movie, Anchorman, was actually a documentary.”

DP: “Where are you, Ron?”

RB: “I am at a pay phone in Salt Lake City at the airport here, I just had to beat up a JetBlue pilot cause he looked at me sideways.”DP: “You don’t have a cellphone?” 

RB: “Nooo, I don’t think those devices are in it for the long haul.”

RB: “Dan, do you have a sister named Jan Patrick by any chance?” 

DP: “One of my two sisters is named Jan.” 

RB: “Ohhhh noooo. Well, I’m sorry. I used to run around with Jan back into the day and we did some nasty things, so I want to apologize.”

DP: “Do we have to do this here?”

His recent whereabouts…

DP: “What have you been doing the last five years?” 

RB: “I’ve gotten out of the news game, I’ve been doing a lot of celebrity golf tournaments. Just showing up, not necessarily invited. And I’ve just been kicking around this big blue marble we call Planet Earth.”

Ron on the Anchorman sequel:

“Frankly, I’m against it. The Hollywood bigshots called me up and said ‘We want to continue chronicling your life,’ and I said, ‘Not now, I’m busy,’ but they threw a lot of cash at me, bought me a brand-new Volvo, and I said I’m in.”

RB: “I think it’s going to chronicle, potentially, my transition into the 24-hour news cycle. You remember back in the day, the advent of CNN and ESPN [pronounced Espen] and those kinds of things like that.”

DP: “I remember your audition at ESPN. The word went around quickly, “Uh-oh. Here he comes. Somebody is losing their job.’ Why did you pass on ESPN?” 

RB: “I didn’t like the makeup of the management, and I think you and I see eye to eye on that. There’s a lot of blowhards there and some real dunderheads, and in fact, that’s why they so quickly went off the air. Completely mismanaged.” 

DP: “They’re actually still on the air.” 

RB: “Oh, wow. For what, two years?”

Of course Ron Burgundy has an opinion on Tim Tebow, even if he’s not sure how to pronounce it…

DP: “How would Ron Burgundy handle Tim Tebow?”

RB: “With Tim Tebow… is it TEE-bow or Te-BOW?”

DP: “It’s TEE-bow.” 

RB: “That would be my first question. I would sit down and I’d like to pick his brain. I find him fascinating. We’d probably take a swamp tour of the Everglades, get down in his backyard, see what formed, what shaped him as a man.”

On his drinking habits…

RB: “Scotch is still a part of my waking existence.”

DP: “Have you had some this morning?” 

RB: “I’ve had a thimbleful, and by a thimbleful, I mean a pretty large glass.”

On J-Lo rumours…

DP: “The J-Lo rumour, it was there, but it was quick. Can you confirm or deny?”

 RB: “J-Lo came on. She’s not my style, I don’t usually go for the Latin types, but she came on to me like a bat out of hell and I had to beat her away with a stick. Did I enjoy it? I’m not going to lie to you, yes.”

A solid appearance by everyone’s favourite news anchor, and one that escalated quickly. Here’s hoping he can stay classy until the sequel comes out.

About Andrew Bucholtz

Andrew Bucholtz is a staff writer for Awful Announcing and The Comeback. He previously worked at Yahoo! Sports Canada and Black Press.

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