Gargling, gargling, gargling, Tony Romo, gargling, gargling, gargling.

That was Monday Night Football with Mike Tirico, Jon Gruden and Ron “They Don’t Call Me Jaws For Nothing” Jaworski.

Who needs perspective? 22-of-37, 250 yards, one touchdown, one interception, and one fumble vs. 22-of-36, 255 yards, one interception, and three fumbles.

The second stat line, believe Phil Costa or not, belongs to Tony Romo and the first belongs to Redskins’ QB Rex Grossman. However, the amount of Tony Romo tongue bathing that went on would’ve left you thinking Romo was playing the most inspired game of his life with a heavy heart while Rex Grossman was, well, Rex Grossman.  

This Tony Romo guy did it all, though, despite having broken ribs. Oh, yeah, did you know Romo was playing with broken ribs (which were protected by inpenetrable Dendra armour) … and that he’s just so gosh-darn likable? On one play down the stretch, Tony Romo apparently completed a miracle pass in spite of his stupid offensive linemen and simultaneously volunteered at a soup kitchen. What a guy, this guy. In the end, somehow a Week 3 win in which “Tony” — as Gruden so affectionately called him all game — failed to throw a single touchdown pass, was his greatest win of his career. Look, I don’t mind Tony Romo as a quarterback — there’s been 23 Lions teams in my 26-year life I would have loved to have him ‘backing — but I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable Monday night.

Dan Steinberg of D.C. Sports Blog, who may have been a tad bitter seeing as his team just lost a heartbreaker, thought it was a bit much, too: 

I wish I had the Gruden and Jaworski quotes handy, but if you were watching, you probably have some sense of what they were saying. Actually, they may have been singing Hosannas rather than strictly speaking. Or just kneeling and weeping.

Oh wait! Here’s one Jaws passage, via KSK:

“Mike, Tony Romo has DONE! HIS! JOB! What a MEMORABLE evening by Tony Romo. He’s been getting hit all night, he’s had bad snaps all night, he’s got rookie wide receivers making mistakes, all kinds of errors on the offensive line, with a broken rib, fourth quarter, he takes his team DOWN the field, converts a third-and-21 on an electrifying play, moving around, allowing Dez Bryant to open up. Romo, WOW, so far.”

Yup. Eighteen memorable points. Six memorable field goals. One memorable floating interception. Several memorable mean faces at his teammates for screwing up.

On that Dez Bryant play, I think it was Jaws who said, “it was all Tony Romo … absolutely.” Forget it that Bryant — who wasn’t playing at full strength, either — didn’t give up on the play and got away from his defender, caught the ball, and ran for an extra 10 or so yards after the catch. Nope, all Romo. Romo to Romo.

Here’s more Romo-bating (video via KSK): 

Jaws defending his man: 

Marty is covered by a DB at least eight inches shorter than him. Rather than throw a jump ball, Romo tries to drill it in Bennett’s chest.

SPIN IT JAWS: “Martellus Bennett simply has to anticipate that his quarterback is suffering from a rib injury and is therefore unlikely to get the ball where it needs to be. Disappointing effort there by the tight end.”

No, disappointing effort by the ESPN crew for not doing a better job of hiding their favor for Tony Romo (before the studio went and made fun of Rex Grossman’s post-game stuttering). Professional job all around, ESPN. Look at me, PRO.