Hiya, folks. S2N here, filling in on the Chronicles. Today’s early start is with Brent Musburger for the Red River Shootout, and Pammy won’t be on until the nooners. Also, this week brings the CBS second team of Craig Bolerjack and Steve Beurlein on Tennessee-UGA this afternoon.
College Football Announcing Schedule: Week Seven
Let’s get to it, and as Brent says:
“Let the good times roll.”
“Caught by Decker and he got decked.” – Dave Pasch (via Interplace55)
“Former baseball player, shows how he can make that diving catch in center field.” – Kirk Herbstreit, after a Texas wideout makes a nice diving catch.
“I had a [corny-dog] eating contest with our producer Bob Goodrich, and it was 12 to 14.” – Brent Musburger, referencing the Texas State Fair
“Rather than having a first down inside the 20, it’ll be 1st & 10 at the 39.” – Wayne Larrivee after an Iowa personal foul was assessed for 15 yards from the Indiana 23 (via Senor Loco)
“Dantley pulled out a littler early.” – Larry Coker (via Jameson)
“Is this where you start your rant?” – Rod Gilmore
“Receivers that run patterns need to find the first down marker.” – Joe Tessitore
“Ypsilanti (home of Eastern Michigan) is right next to Ann Arbor, and except for the stadium and the team it’s the exact same place.” – Charles Davis, intending to give Toledo some confidence against Michigan (via Anon)
A couple more gems like that from him and I’m breaking out the “The Greatness That Is Charles Davis” tag for this post.
“Bradford has the better numbers so far, but McCoy wins in the ‘roommate’ category.” – Brent Musburger, referring to the fact that Texas’ kick returner that scored last time is Colt McCoy’s roommate.
“Clearly, Williams had gone out of bounds, was defenseless there…Hightower with the unnecessary hit, wouldn’t you agree?” – Dave Pasch
“Well, you don’t know if the guy is going to turn up the field.” – Andre Ware (via Anon)
“What a beautiful day.” – Brent Musburger, during a shot of some OU cheerleaders
“Toledo’s not a bad football team.” – Doug Flutie, on the 1-4 Rockets (via Rick James Bible Owner)
“Nice teamwork by OU there.” Wendi Nix on a highlight of OU’s second TD, which was more of a lucky bounce (via JG)
“They’re operating with almost one hand tied behind their back in the red zone against this OU defense.” – Kirk Herbstreit, ignoring that Texas had already scored 20 points — they added another touchdown a play later.
“And Plain White Ts bring us into the second half here at Lawrence.” – Joe Tessitore
“Are they the ones who did the “Delilah”? – Rod Gilmore
“And it’s the Big Guy, Loadholt, picking up the fumble. They’re gonna drill him on that in the film room this week.” Brent
“Just fall on it, Big Fella!” – Herbie
Nothing funnier than a giant O-lineman recovering a fumble.
“Bob Stoops lives by the sword, dies by the sword.” – Herbie, dipping into the cliche handbook after the failed OU fake punt, via JG, who asks: “What, no riverboat gambler/Beamerball reference?”
Riverboat gambler references are for Les Miles’ 4th down calls in LSU games, sir.
“McCoy just fell down. That’s like soccer, where they fall down! What is this?” – Herbie
“Best officials: Texas assistant coaches.” – Brent, after a late hit OB call on OU
“Brent, we’re gonna have to get rid of yellow flags and get yellow cards for some of the acting we’ve seen out here today.” – Herbie, on what was pretty much a BS roughing the kicker call on Texas (the latest in a series of crap calls, most have gone against OU)
“If you want to be a top official, you’ve gotta stay in shape.” – Brent, on the ref in Texas-OU, whom, as a couple commenters have noted, seems to be in on the Eddie Guns Hochuli workout plan (and given the flags, about as crappy calling a game as Eddie’s been this year)
“I’ve seen interceptions that aren’t, I’ve seen juggles for touchdowns, I’ve seen juggles for two point conversions….oh, you’ll be right back, won’t you?” – Brent
“Here’s a question, Kirk: were those pigs wearing lipstick?” – Brent, as we get a shot of pigs in cages, ready to race.
“That’s a big rivalry block right there.” – Herbie, after Quan Cosby lays out an OU defender (via SSReporters)
“The young field back pulls out.” – Quint Kessenich (via Bazooka Jones)
I think that’s a Full Back, and he must know that that’s the most reliable form of contraception. – Bazooka Jones
“Is it [the game] taking your mind off the economy, folks?” – Brent
Not a quote update, but just a note: MICHIGAN JUST LOST TO A MAC TEAM FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. And Toledo’s not even a good MAC team. So, RichRod’s got that going for him.
All right, 3:30 Eastern shift – Tennessee/UGA, ASU/USC, ND/UNC, MSU/Northwestern (Pammy!), and Nebraska/Texas Tech on TV in my area.
“This isn’t your Grandma’s Vandy.” – Tim Brando (via SSReporters)
Bolerjack and Beuerlein haven’t said anything too dumb yet. Anyone monitoring Nessler, Griese, and Maguire on ND/UNC? ESPN magically switched to Purdue/OSU in my area.
“Finally, when they get that push, he likes to get up in behind for a couple.” – Ray Bentley
“The beauty pageant of one loss teams playing today, who will compete for the #1 spot as they go down the runway in this flawed BCS system?” – Tim Brando (via SSReporters)
“He changed the position of LB.” – Paul Maguire stating the obvious about Lawrence Taylor, following the inevitable reference to Taylor (via JG)
“Some of that might be Casey Clausen’s cadence.” – Brad Nessler referring to Jimmy Clausen drawing an offsides on UNC (via Anon)
“Walker from 41 not going to make this one either…Yes he is.” – Nessler, via Anon
“That’s a move I’d have hurt myself trying to do.” – Steve Beuerlein, after Knowshown Moreno almost spins his way out of a tackle.
“David, are you in the background?” – Terry Gannon, as they show a shot of the USC Song Girls
“They kicked me out!” – David Norrie (via Anon)
Playing for UCLA back in the day might have something to do with that too, David.
“Carroll tries to keep his team in the church of the here and the now.” – David Norrie talking about Pete Carroll trying to keep his team focused (via JG)
“Being down one TD, it’s a good decision to punt.” – Steve Beuerlein after Tenn punts, with UGA leading 13-0 (via JG)
“They are selling some of the land up by the Hollywood sign. You know the parties we can have?” – Gannon
“You’re just using this job as a stepping stone for the movies. You’re going to be acting.” – Norrie
“Next lifetime.” – Gannon (via Anon)
“He’s going to have the duck on.” – Paul Maguire in response to Nessler and Greise talking about David Letterman mentioning his alma mater’s (Ball State) recent success this year. (Via Anon)
“I feel bad for Massaquoi on that hit, but that’s football.” – Steve Beuerlein, on a hit that got flagged for helmet contact that didn’t seem to exist.
“(North Carolina mascot) Ramses had a hard night, I guess. Looks like what Paul looked like this morning when we got in the car to come to the stadium.” – Nessler
“I bet his breath’s better than mine!” – Maguire (via Chris in Tampa)
“I was going to pick Hopalong Cassidy.” – Ron Franklin, noticing Ed Cunningham cheating on the trivia quiz for the second straight week.
“And Jack [Arute] was going to pick Gene Autry.” – Ed Cunningham (via James Craven)
“The USC defense is throwing a shutout; the Dodgers could use one of those.” – Terry Gannon
“You gotta be velcro on Crabtree.” – Joel Meyers on Texas Tech WR Michael Crabtree, he was open for a 40 yd completion on 4th and 4.
(I’m taking a break for now, folks. Keep leaving good stuff and we’ll collect it. I’ll likely be back for the night games.)
“Minnesota is now bowl-eligible.” – Rece Davis
“I picked them to be the team to show the most improvement; I knew this was coming.” – Lou Holtz
“They were 1-11 last year. How could you know this?” – Mark May
“That’s why I’m here, I got my crystal ball and it tells me, ‘Minnesota will be better.'” – Holtz
“Mark is here to give the player’s view; I’m here to provide the intelligent coach’s view.” – Lou Holtz
“He didn’t go after you, did he Todd?” – Terry Gannon
“Nah, he didn’t want any of this!” – Todd Harris (Via Anon)
“My man [Mark] Sanchez, does like Chase from Entourage.” – Terry Gannon (Via Anon)
“My partner Steve Beurlein is breaking out in a hot rash.” – Craig Bolerjack (via Fairplay)
“Red River Rivalry, say that 3 times!” – Terry Gannon
“I just say Red River Shootout.” – David Norrie (via Anon)
“They’re warming up their booze … I mean boos not booze booze.” – Paul Maguire (via Nuck)
“Every game we do, we have controversial calls.” – Paul Maguire
“No we don’t.” – Bob Griese (via Anon)
“[Paterno] said, ‘I can’t sprint yet, but at least I’m still faster than [Todd] Blackledge.” – Holly Rowe
“Colt McCoy’s numbers are better than Vince Young’s when he won the Heisman.” – Lou Holtz (via Anon, who reminds us that VY never won the Heisman)
“The big news this week in Auburn was Tim Tuberville’s decision to fire the offensive coordinator.” – Verne Lundquist (via Fairplay).
His name is Tommy, Uncle Verne.
“It’s also in the area where you go for it on 4th down.” – Mike Patrick (via JFein)
Penn State kicked and made a field goal. Nice one, Coach Spears, er, Patrick. – JFein
“Wisconsin’s last couple games have been heartbreakers. So far this is not a heartbreaker, this is just a whippin'” – Mike Patrick (via JFein)
That’s not as good as his “Georgia is supplying the butt” comment from two weeks ago.
“Scoop it up, but I don’t think he’s gonna score.” – Mark Jones
“He’d need a cab ride to get to the end zone.” – Bob Davie, after a Mizzou DT weighing about 310 pounds picks up a Zac Robinson fumble.
“Beanie Wells hits the hole at 100 miles per hour” – Mark May (via JFein)
“This game had a lot of potential at the start. Potential is like popcorn in the microwave, some pop some don’t.” – Mark Jones (via JG]
SPECIAL TODD’S TASTE OF THE TOWN HILARITY:
“Cholesterol on its way…” – Mike Patrick promoting Todd’s Taste of the Town segment (via JFein)
“The restaurant serves 500 lbs of fish every Friday night.” – Todd Blackledge
“Did you have all 500 lbs?” (As Blackledge chuckles…) “Are you sure?” – Mike Patrick (via Smitty Lite)
“Deep fried cheese? Where are the vegetables?” – Mike Patrick, after Todd’s Taste of the Town segment with deep fried fish and fried cheese curds
“We are in Wisconsin.” – Todd Blackledge
“My God, you haven’t eaten a vegetable in more than a year!” – Mike
“Have any cardiologists emailed you with concerns about your health?” – Mike Patrick
“I would only like it if it has fudge on it.” – Mike Patrick. after they show a dish from another restaurant Todd went to last week that is nothing but calories (via Anon)
“The guys in blue and white are better than deep-fried cheese.” – Mike Patrick (via JFein)
End segment hilarity. Good Lord, did we get mileage out of that this week.
“Les Miles said his front seven was ‘so-so.’ He really wanted to use a locker room term you can’t say on TV.” – Gary Danielson
“An impressive opening thrust by the LSU Tigers here.” – Verne Lundquist
“College football is a beauty pageant. This is the talent portion.” – Mark Jones discussing Mizzou’s possible rise to # 1 (via JG)
“Darry Beckworth, number 48, on the tackle.” – Verne Lundquist, as we get a look at the jersey reading “Beckwith.”
“I don’t think there’s a team in America that plays with more poise than this one under Les Miles.” – Gary Danielson, via Anon, as LSU is whistled for delay of game on a kickoff.
“College Football Prime Time here on ESPN…excuse me, I’m going to sneeze. (Sneezes.) My apologies. (Sneezes again.) Isn’t television great?” – Mike Patrick
“You’re a man of your word.” – Todd Blackledge
“Looks like Boone Pickens’ money for athletic facilites is starting to pay off.” – Gary Danielson, after an update of OK State/Mizzou highlights.
“He’s one of the few who’s got any money left!” – Verne Lundquist
“When you wear shoes like that, you’d better be a good kicker.” – Bob Davie, on the OK State kicker’s gold shoes.
“Part of the T. Boone Pickens ceollection, huh?” – Mark Jones
“There’s no name on the back [of the Penn State uniform], which as an announcer I hate. I’m certainly not going to suggest that they change it, though.” – Mike Patrick (via JFein, who’s pretty sure that constitutes suggesting it)