Hi there, folks. I’m C., and I run my own little corner of the eBay tubes called Signal to Noise, which touches upon multiple ADD-driven obsessions with washed-up has-beens, condescending baby boomers, closet-racist writers, network news overkill, and giving advice to talented yet hackish pop music stars. The real focus is mostly on pro and college football (there will be more baseball outside of bitching about the stupid contracts being signed this off-season, and I swear I’ll get to more NBA before the All-Star break.) My personal favorite is the archaeological dig revealing the ancient texts of Fantasy Jesus.

So, I’d like to thank AA for allowing me to kick off this Wild Card weekend insanity by liveblogging the Kansas City Chiefs heading to the dome to take on Mongoloid #1 (Peyton) and the Indianapolis Colts. If any of you have a rooting interest in this game, you can expect me to be non-partisan in the best way: I’m a Bronco fan. I loathe both of your teams equally.

Let’s get to brass tacks: I don’t expect a hell of a lot of defense. Both teams are middle-of-the-pack on overall defense (and KC remains so in most categories), but everyone and their mother knows that Indy is at the goddamn bottom when it comes to run stuffing. Larry Johnson is going to reel off monster yardage today. I’m setting the personal over/under at 125 yards, as Herm Edwards rides LJ harder than most jockeys ride their horses down the back stretch of the Kentucky Derby. KC’s chances of winning on offense and keeping Peyton off the field depend on how well Trent Green plays — will he be dynamite, or will he show form (especially after getting hit) that had Arrowhead fans booing him for a short time against the Jags?

Most teams’ defensive stats don’t mean much when faced with Manning and his sick receiving corps. Tight end Dallas Clark is supposed to be back for the game, and no Colt post is complete without mentioning Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne, and nothing more needs to be said other than those two give cornerbacks fits every single week. The way to beat Manning is the way to beat most quarterbacks: hit him early and often, and get him out of his timing before he can hit receivers — if the Chiefs can do this and make Joseph Addai a non-factor, they’re golden — which is why this is the one game this weekend where many are looking at the possibility of an upset by KC.

Now, according to the New York Times, coaches Herm Edwards and Tony Dungy are totally, like, BFF and stuff, so this should be interesting, but not as much as the REAL factor of which team will win: which pornstache will lead their team to victory? Dungy’s French Tickler or Edwards’ After School Special?

Herm: “Very nice, Tony. How do you get it to curve like that?”
Tony: “Hey, yours ain’t so bad either. It’s barely there. Perfect.”

I say KC pulls off the upset in a high scoring game, 31-27, but I would fully understand if this game turned out to be a Colt blowout. Back with the pre-game and first quarter thread later; it’s time for the pre-game beer run.

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