In a recent study (I’m so pissed that they beat me to it) the San Diego Union-Tribune compared the arrests of NFL Players to the actual United States Population. And you know what? Someone decided that they are similar.

But I’m not here to dwell on the numbers and facts. No….I’m here to provide you with the highlights of one funny as hell article.

1. Jerramy Stevens gets drunk off of frou frou drinks- (Not that we didn’t already know this) When he was pulled over this past March he told the officer that, “He had four or five margaritas at Salty Señorita.” Aww that’s cute. The officer probably only pulled you over because you still had all of the pin on sunglasses stuck on your shirt.

2. “The San Diego Union-Tribune reviewed hundreds of news reports and public records since January 2000 and found that the league’s biggest problems with the law are in many ways just as ordinary: drunken driving, traffic stops and repeat offenders.” And making it rain….pretty sure they forgot that one.

3. “According to the Union-Tribune review, there have been 308 arrests or citations, not including minor traffic infractions.” Three hundred and eight my friends, and that does not include the multiple thefts of “Housewife Hearts” by Bill Belichick. Can’t you just picture him walking up to a middle aged milf and saying, “Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.”

4. “The most prevalent charge was driving under the influence, which accounted for almost a third of the arrests. Over half of all incidents came after traffic stops or were vehicle-related, including DUIs and searches that turned up drugs or guns.” I have nothing really to add to that…..pretty much speaks for itself.

5. Some teams are clearly better behaved than others. The St. Louis Rams (three incidents involving two players) might have something to teach the Minnesota Vikings and Cincinnati Bengals, who combined for at least 44 incidents since 2000.- You know that quote “Babies having Babies”? Well that would be criminals teaching criminals. Good plan.

6. Take away 50 repeat offenders in the NFL since 2000, and you eliminate almost 40 percent of the incidents. It’s the same phenomenon that led 67.5 percent of prisoners released in 1994 to be rearrested within three years, according to a study cited by the U.S. Department of Justice.- Interesting fact.

7. Well before Pacman Jones and Chris Henry, the NFL had a long history of repeat offenders. Among them: Chiefs cornerback Eric Warfield (three DUI arrests), Chargers defensive lineman Leonardo Carson (four arrests) and Colts cornerback Joseph Jefferson (two DUI arrests, plus a gun charge).- Am I the only person that thinks that if I got arrested even twice that I would be locked up?

That about sums it up. If you have 2 hours you can read the rest, but it has big words and numbers my little blogger brain can’t figure out. Oh yeah and it talks about race as well…..I skipped that part.

Arressting Image (San Diego Union-Tribune)

(Photo Credits: Deadspin, TSG, and Trojan Wire)

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