They’re baaaaaaack!  The Pam Ward Chronicles triumphantly return for a fifth season to document all the awful announcing and best quotes throughout the day in college football.  Defending Pammies champ Chris Spielman will be in Columbus for Akron/Ohio State on ESPN at noon ET and you can check out all the games, times, and announcers at the link below.  We will update the Pammies as we are able to with your comments in the thread and Tweets to us at AA throughout the day.  Use the hashtag #PWAA to send in submissions via Twitter or leave a comment below.  Make sure you also like your favorite quotes in the comments as well so they will be included for consideration in the weekly Pammies vote.  Already we’ve started the 2011 Pammies with some great ones from the action earlier this week that will get us rolling!

Full Week 1 Announcing Schedule

“You’ve got to play football for sixty minutes every snap.” – Andre Ware (via sctvman)

“I like to see a running back who has eyeballs in his shoes.” – Craig James (via Brady Green)

“Pick up of a baker’s dozen.” – Rob Stone.  That’s 13 yards.  (via sctvman)

“You have so many things going on in your mind, the last thing you’re worried about is the play cock, the play clock…” – Danny Kanell (via bfinleyui)

“shootout in Waco” – Lee Corso with probably not the best choice of words (via sctvman)

“You can hear the smoke…” – Chris Rix (via Jeff Matthews)

“If I am coaching Ohio State…” – Urban Meyer with a prophetic word?  (via sctvman)

“What’s that saying you got about LSU” – Lee Corso

“Laissez les bon tomps roulez?” – Chris Fowler

“Lessait bot ton bray lay lay! Geaux Tigers” – Lee Corso, failing French 101 

“That guy has serious potential (Donta Hightower) to do damage.” – Dave Neal.  After the tornado in Tuscaloosa it could be better to say something different (via sctvman)

“And Northwestern without Dan Persa on the road at Boston College on ESPNU. Pam?” – Wendi Nix

(Awkward silence)

Beth Mowins: “Beth Mowins and Mike Bellotti here at Jordan-Hare Stadium…” (via jdwvu)

“3rd and 20” – Beth Mowins

“This is 3rd and forever” – Mike Bellotti (via Drunken Midgets)

BC quarterback Chase Rettig “showing off his arm strength” – Rob Stone as he underthrows his diving wide receiver. (via Dave Goldberg)

“McCall all of the sudden getting THE call on offense” – Tom Werme (via Ellis1240)

“That Josie ain’t runnin’ like no pussycat.” – Dave Lapham English fail.

“I think this is more of a game than Auburn wanted.” – Mike Belotti (via sctvman)

“If you’re surpised to see us back, no one’s more surprised than 3 of us.” – Wendi Nix (via kevin7673)

“Utah State sends a message about the toughness of the WAC!!!” – Beth Mowins, emphatically (via Packey)

“He got some get-off.” – Dave Lapham (via sctvman)

“He beat off a guard.” – David Archer (via Darkopolo)

“Last night’s game was the biggest night at Baylor since they allowed dancing.” – Rece Davis (via Matt Deaton)

“Virginia Tech leads 17-10.” – Steve Martin when VT led App State 17-0 (via sctvman) 

“It is a FOOTball and can bounce in any direction.” – Joe Tiller also using “we” a lot. (via sctvman)

“Wow, if they’d have caught him right there, they would have caught him behind the yardage line.” – Beth Mowins  (via SaxxSkwerl)

“We won’t speculate, but it looks like cramps.” – Chris Spielman (via sctvman)

“You can’t teach experience, you got to will it on them.” – Joe Tiller (via sctvman)

“Ohio State has SEC talent.” – Urban Meyer (via NotSportsCenter)

“We got us a football game. This is a lot of fun.” – Mike Belotti (via sctvman)

“If you’re Utah State, you have to do something to stop this.” – Beth Mowins (via tommylang1630)

“You got to be sure you tackle the guy on the kickoff.” – Mike Belotti (via sctvman)

“Mike, we saw Michigan’s defense last year … it was almost defenseless.” – Craig James  “Defenseless is almost a perfect word for it.” – Mike Patrick (via Packey)

should take a knee here” – Joe Tiller with losing team nearing field goal range with under 30 seconds left (via Bloguin)

“Six band members and dance team members already overcome by the heat” – Jeanine Edwards (via kevin7673)

“Every game is played on the field, not on paper.” – Warrick Dunn (via sctvman)

“He who hesitates is normally taken down inside the 20 yard line” – Mike Patrick (via Connor Kiesel)

“You want to talk about boning up a defender…” – Randy Cross (via therealnarton)

“Skip Holtz got a head job at East Carolina.” – Dan Hicks talking about Holtz’s coaching experience. (via AndyO)

“Courtney Avery was one of those freshmen who started last year and had his, his, uh, uh, handed to him.” – Craig James (via Packey)

“i’m not worried about ball security right now, I’m worried about grabbing a one-iron and running with it.” – Mike Patrick (via Packey)

“Bauserman replaces Terrell Pryor who took his body art to the NFL” – Liam McHugh (via glokkenspx)

“Smith has a team high 6 catches on the season. Or on the season or in the game because its 1st game of season” – Pam Ward (via kevin7673)

“folks if you want to sit on metal seats in a lightning storm, you go right ahead” – Mike Patrick (via mherek)

“The goal of the defense is to keep the offense from scoring.” – Artrell Hawkins with brilliant analysis (via steve5643)

“Dominique Garcia, no, Davis, coming in again for East Carolina.” – Bob Rathburn (via sctvman)

“Let’s send it to the studio…Big John Saunders and Smooth Jessie Palmer.” – Brent Musburger (via Connor Kiesel)

And Garcia puts his arms up! Let’s go!” “Take him off the bench, boom!” – Todd Ellis (via sctvman)

“Back in… 6 years ago.” – Brad Nessler (via sctvman)

“Do you think anyone will get arrested for speeding in this game?” – Brent Musburger (via sctvman)

“The big ten added two teams this year, Nebraska and Colorado, who will struggle in the Big Ten” – John Saunders (via mherek)

“The real season starts next week in Athens for Georgia.” – Todd Blackledge (via sctvman)

“You talk about a hot seat for a head coach, he’s gonna feel like they’re cooking lobsters under his rear end.” – Brad Nessler on Mark Richt if Georgia falls to 0-2 (via CK29)

“Two ex-presidents represented there on the sideline.” – Beth Mowins after camera shot of Auburn sideline using pics of Obama and Bush to signal plays.

“Ace takes off!  40, 45, 50, 55, 40, 35, 30, get a block, 25, 20, Ace Sanders, 15, 10, cuts back at the 5, touchdown!  Ace Sanders lights it up in Charlotte!” – Todd Ellis (VIDEO/AUDIO via sctvman) 


About Matt Yoder

Award winning sportswriter at The Comeback and Awful Announcing. The biggest cat in the whole wide world.