LaVar Ball is a man of many beefs. The overbearing basketball dad and aspiring sportswear magnate has publicly feuded with, among others, Charles Barkley, LeBron James, Joel Embiid, his sons’ high school coach, many different referees and every major shoe company.

And he has feuded with Shaquille O’Neal, the 15-time NBA All-Star, three-time NBA champion and—most importantly—platinum recording artist. After Shaq criticized LaVar’s Big Baller Brad and declared that he himself was “the original Big Baller,” LaVar responded that, “ain’t nobody buying nothing that say Shaq on it.”

That led Shaq to drop a diss track Friday that can only be described as transcendent.

Rapping over Jay Z’s “Blueprint (Momma Loves Me)” beat, Shaq declared, “I been doing this a long time/while you was averaging two points, riding the pine.” It’s great, from start to finish.

Via TMZ:

So many gems in here.

Get some Icy Hot, rub it on your back
Before you break that (bleeped) around with Shaq
Sit down, man. You’ve been doing the most
Your ass is barbecue chicken in the post.
First you can beat Mike, then you can beat me
Wake that ass up, you having a dream
And when you wake up, apologize
And bow down to my Staples Center statue hanging off the side

The best line, though, has to be, “You beating me? That’s a bunch of baloney/You think you’re Mailman, you ain’t even Jeff Malone-y”

At the end of the diss track, Shaq does compliment LaVar in one sense. He praises the Ball kids for their game.

Two more things I’ve got to say
You did a great job, I love how your sons play
And little Melo too, attitude hella cool
Jumper wet, wet like two docks(?) in a pool

Overall, good work, Shaq. You showed off some bars and got it some shots on a guy who probably can afford an ego check.

We already know how this ends, however. The first time the Lakers player on TNT, Shaq has to invite Lonzo Ball, himself somewhat of a lyricist, on Inside the NBA for a freestyle battle to defend his father’s honor.

About Alex Putterman

Alex is a writer and editor for The Comeback and Awful Announcing. He has written for The Atlantic, VICE Sports, MLB.com, SI.com, the Hartford Courant, Baseball Prospectus, Land of 10 and more. He is a proud alum of Northwestern University and The Daily Northwestern. You can find him on Twitter @AlexPutterman.

  • souvien

    Lavar Ball is an unflushed log of human excrement…listing to the LA ESPN and Laker station just gobble his gonads day after day is excruciating…

  • 4ArthurDent

    That “song” was some corny sucker shyte. F Shaq and his clubbed foot.