Joe Buck makes a face.

Sports media figures telling stories of getting high isn’t just for Brockmire any more. In fact, special Brockmire guest star Joe Buck delivered an amazing real-life story on ESPN Radio’s The Dan Le Batard Show With StugotMonday, about his experience getting incredibly stoned off a pot brownie in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. The full Buck interview and more from the show can be found at ESPN Radio; here’s the clip of Dan Le Batard, Jon “Stugotz” Weiner, and Buck discussing their various experiences with edibles.

And here’s a transcription:

Dan Le Batard: “Tell me about the time that you had a bad experience with an edible.”

Stugotz: “Listen, I can sympathize, Joe.”

Joe Buck: “Really, we’re jumping right into that? I thought you were going to talk to me about how South Florida was going to ruin the All-Star Game.”

DLB: “No, let’s talk about that.”

S: “Joe, I can tell you to make you feel better, because I can relate, what happened was, an hour later after the edible, I wound up in the fetal position in an apartment…”

D: “Hold on a second, I believe I’m going to beat you on the bad reaction. We’re going to get to that story.”

S: “I think Joe Buck’s going to beat us both.”

D: “Well, let’s see who had the best story. Joe, you start! What happened to you?”

J “All right, let me paint the picture for you real quick. It was 2011, I had a paralyzed vocal cord from a bad hair plug operation, already I have you beat by the way…”

S: “Yes, you do. Game over. Pocket aces, man!”

J “I’m going through a divorce, I go down to Cabo, to a place I have down there to try and relax. And I show up thinking I’m going to do yoga every day, I’m going to read two books, I’m not going to drink or do nothing, I’m just going to heal myself, because I have this paralyzed vocal cord and my career’s over. And I go down there, and within eight minutes I’m on the driving range drunk on tequila. I can’t escape the tequila virus the entire time.”

“At the end of it, I think, you know, ‘I can’t relax. My whole problem is I can’t relax. That’s why my vocal cord’s strained. I need to relax.’ I’ve never smoked pot, I’ve never eaten pot. I’ve seen pot all around me in college, I’ve seen coke and ecstasy around me in high school, I’ve always avoided all that stuff. I said ‘I need to try this.’ So I ate a brownie at a dinner in Cabo. And got no reaction.”

DLB: “That’s the mistake!”

JB: “Well, I didn’t know this. So I’m eating this with this buddy of mine, and like 45 minutes later I said to him, ‘Do you feel anything from this?’ He’s like, ‘No, I don’t feel anything.’ And I’m like, ‘Only I can get no reaction from eating a pot brownie. Let’s have another half.'”

S: “There you go. That’s the mistake.”

JB: “So I have a brownie and a half, and then we all got in the car, not driving, we were driven down to this bar in Cabo. And as I’m driving down there, as I’m riding down there,  I’m trying to text somebody and the letters start flying off my phone into my face. I’m like, ‘Ah, this is not going to be good.’ We show up, there’s a bachelorette party going on, you know, I’m just scared, I’m frightened. I’m avoiding them. And then I sit down and I can’t feel my legs.”

“I talk to the guy that drove us down there and said, ‘I need to leave right now.’ He’s drinking a Coca-Cola. And I said, “I need to drink that, and I need to get out of here right now.” So, he helps me to my feet. We stagger to the…I somehow magically get down the steps and to the exit. I think we’re going to go right. He thinks we’re going to go left. He pulls me left as I go right. I pass out onto the ground. I go under a rope with my head hanging off into the marina. I damn near died.”

“I had a dream while I was down there. I popped up and I went from completely out of it to completely sober, worrying that within the next four minutes it was going to pop up on Deadspin that I just went down at a bar in Cabo.”

S: “He’s got me beat. You? He definitely has me beat.”

DLB: “All right. I got angry with my girlfriend and my brother because I insisted they were stealing my kidney. And I made the same mistake he made, where I’m like, ‘I don’t have any impact! I don’t know what I’m doing. Give me more of this, I need more of this!’ Next thing you know, I’m yelling at my girlfriend and my brother that they’re stealing my kidneys. They’re trying to put me to sleep, and I’m like, ‘Of course you want me to go to sleep! That’s what you’re going to do! The moment I fall asleep, you’re going to steal my kidneys! …That was last night.”

Those are quite the stories all around, and that’s definitely a different side of these sports media figures than what we usually see. Buck probably wins this, though, especially when you consider his dream that it was going to pop up on Deadspin. And maybe that was a self-fulfilling prophecy, because six years later, it has.

[ESPN Radio]

About Andrew Bucholtz

Andrew Bucholtz is a staff writer for Awful Announcing.