I’ve been writing about, reporting on, and analyzing this sports media industry on a full-time basis for over three years now.  And I can safely say that I’ve never seen a period of time as chaotic, distressing, and insane as what transpired last week.

Reflecting over the weekend, it was easy to be discouraged about the current state of our daily sports conversation and generally, the way we treat one another through social media and beyond.  And unfortunately, one of the biggest takeaways from the week was the disrespectful treatment and abuse of women working in sports.  Here’s a timeline of the major controversies that have blown up over the past dozen days.

July 16th – WEEI radio host Kirk Minihane goes on the air and calls Erin Andrews a “gutless b*tch.”  It was a stunning lack of decency, even by the low standards of the program and shock jock sports radio hosts.  Criticize Andrews for her job performance all you want, but this crossed any line of acceptability.

July 23 – Kirk Minihane is back on WEEI to apologize about his comments on Erin Andrews.  In the midst of saying he was sorry, he makes another insulting remark about Andrews, saying she would be a Perkins waitress if she weighed more.  In response, Fox pulls all its advertising from WEEI’s parent company and their 100+ stations nationwide, possibly totaling over $1 million.  A heavy price to pay for not knowing how to talk about women in sports with respect.

July 25 – Sam Ponder tweets a thought-provoking question about the objectification and disrespect of women online.  For her troubles, she is tweeted some of the worst abuse I’ve seen on social media.  All by men, all angry with her for daring to have an honest perspective on how the online sports culture treats women.  Some even went as far to attack her newborn child.  It was a disgrace.

July 25 – Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless debate the Ray Rice suspension.  In the process, Smith says some uncouth things about a woman’s role in provoking domestic violence.  ESPN colleague Michelle Beadle calls out Smith, speaks about her own experience in an abusive relationship… and gets more terrible abuse on Twitter for her troubles.  Once again a woman working in sports, and daring to have an honest perspective on domestic violence, is shouted down by a stream of angry men.

July 26 – You guessed it.  Another woman working in sports, daring to have an honest perspective on domestic violence and women’s rights, being shouted down by a stream of angry men.  This time it was Amy Lawrence of CBS Sports Radio, who sent this e-mail to Awful Announcing:

In light of your recent columns about Michelle Beadle (who I emailed with today) and Sam Ponder taking on the Ray Rice situation, I thought I’d share my experience. Last night, I hosted a four-hour talk show on CBS Sports Radio on nothing but the NFL’s suspension. By taking a stand from the outset and calling the 2 game punishment “weak” and “inconsistent,” I put myself directly in the line of fire. On twitter, I was called everything from bitch to dumb broad to hack to delusional to the worst radio host on CBS to gold-digger to idiot. One man told me he wished Ray Rice would knock ME out so I would go away. In addition to those insults, I was sexually harassed with some of the most disgusting tweets I’ve ever received.

I realize this comes with the territory, but there are people who can’t stand when a women stands up in the face of domestic violence or shares a strong opinion about a “man’s sport.” 

Three more shows this weekend, too. It will be a never-ending stream of venom. Ha!

At least she can laugh about it.

There’s still a gigantic double standard with women working in sports and it runs all the way from the executive level down to the fans.  Nobody’s talking about Chris Berman working at Perkins like Erin Andrews.  Phil Simms isn’t getting taken off his network’s A-team like Pam Oliver is after decades of experience.  And you can bet that Marcellus Wiley or Jesse Palmer isn’t getting near the vile abuse on social media that Michelle Beadle or Sam Ponder has received.  You can read more from Sports Illustrated on this subject (scroll to Item #6).

It’s been several months since Damon Bruce ranted about women playing in his sandbox and we’ve seemingly made no progress as a sporting culture.  None.  In fact, we went backwards a good bit this week from enforcing a clear double standard to revealing an ugly subculture that seems to take pleasure in objectifying and/or abusing women through social media.  That’s pathetic and it should be a huge wake-up call.

No matter if it’s a radio host with thousands of listeners or a man sitting at a keyboard with six followers hiding behind a picture of an egg, we all need to make a conscious effort to do better.

And really, that extends to how we treat one another no matter the gender, race, sexuality, or viewpoint.  It extends to college football and basketball fans who tweet gay slurs and abuse to high schoolers, yes, high schoolers, who don’t pick their favorite school.  A little bit of compassion goes a long way even in the hyper-polarized, but also desensitized culture we live in today.

And you know what – in spite of it being such a chaotic, distressing week, we shouldn’t lose sight of progress that is happening around us, even in sports.

You may have missed it, and I certainly wouldn’t blame you if you did, but over at The MMQB Wade Davis wrote one of the most moving sports articles I’ve read in a long time.  Davis is an openly gay former NFL player and he wrote a first-person piece about his relationship with David Tyree.  Although most known for his heroic catch in Super Bowl XLII, Tyree has also been incredibly outspoken against gay marriage, even saying that he thought it would lead the country into anarchy.

Davis’ column entitled “Only Love Drives Out Hate” is an encouraging look at what is possible when a hand is extended to what one might consider “the other side.”  Davis didn’t take to Twitter to blast the Giants when they hired Tyree as director of player development.  He didn’t race to demonize Tyree as a bigot, like so many did with Tony Dungy last week.  Scores of columnists, blogs, websites, and people on social media crushed Dungy for playing the distraction card and raced to call him a bigot, a word that should never be taken lightly, but is unfortunately hurled all too quickly.  Slamming Dungy for having a questionable, even hypocritical stance on what it means to be a distraction was fair.  But the media taking his words out of context was certainly not.

Instead, Davis went directly to meet with Tyree and developed a friendship with him as he continues to grow and evolve as a person:

During the current media firestorm surrounding Giants’ hiring of David, I paused to reflect on my initial resistance toward him and asked myself, Can we create the space for all individuals to evolve? Have we given up on understanding, engaging, and educating? Are we unwilling to offer compassion to those whose views may shock or offend us? Why has the default response now become to vilify and judge before we seek to ask questions?

Let me be very clear: I am not defending the hurtful things David said in the past. Nor am I saying his journey is complete. I am strongly defending his right, his ability, and most importantly his apparent willingness to grow as a person. And I will be working closely with him to help him along on this journey. I am hopeful that the outcome will be a positive one.

I spoke with David last night, and he asked me to quote him in this piece. He said, “My interactions with Wade over the past few months are much more representative of my current beliefs toward the gay community than some tweets from several years ago. Christianity teaches us love, compassion, and respect for our fellow man, and it is in that light that I will continue to work with Wade and others to better serve the gay community. I would absolutely support any player on the Giants who identified as gay, in any way I could. And I will continue to stay in touch with Wade to ensure I am aware of the right ways to do that.”

My mother and I are now best friends again, and she supports me professionally and personally. She is a source of love and happiness in my life. What if I never gave her to space to evolve? What if I never offered her the same type of compassion and love that I was desperately seeking in return? It is not always easy, but I remember the words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Hopefully all of us in sports who participate in this medium can continue to grow and evolve ourselves, including yours truly.  None of us honestly have any grasp of how social media is affecting our culture at large, or the way it will shape our future.  If enough of us to choose to set an example, like Michelle Beadle or Wade Davis, hopefully that progress and growth can be more widespread.  It starts with simple ideals like respect and equality and empathy.  And it starts with each person, no matter who they are or how many followers they have, accepting personal responsibility for the words they say.

It was a dark week in this industry, yes, but let’s hope that encouraging stories that can’t be told in 140 characters aren’t overshadowed by the worst of us and there’s light ahead.

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