jaxsondeville

Twitter Wars: Mike Florio vs The Jaguars Mascot

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Jaguars fans have not taken too kindly to the national media insinuating their franchise will one day move to London.  In fact, they've developed quite the reputation as one of the most tenacious fanbases in all of sports because of the lack of respect from the media.  

With the announcement of Cowboy sized scoreboard coming to Everbank Field a sign of a future commitment to the Jacksonville Jaguars, it was an opportunity for another skirmish between Jags fans and the national media.  Jason La Canfora was just one of many still churning the inevitability of the Jaguars to London move to feel their wrath yesterday thanks to this tweet.  But it was Pro Football Talk aggravator-in-chief Mike Florio who took center stage in his surreal Twitter slapfight with Jaguars mascot Jaxson DeVille.  (Get it… Jaxson DeVille… Jacksonville… aha ha ha…)

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In one corner is the editor and aggregator in chief of one of the largest and most successful sports websites in America and a featured insider on America's most watched series – Sunday Night Football.

In the other corner is some random guy tweeting in the name of a fictional character who represents an NFL franchise as a mascot.

And yet, in Twitter Wars, they exist as equals.  America, what a country.  Get your popcorn ready…

The fact that Mr. DeVille's initial sticking point with Florio is the dimensions of a football field and Florio being an idiot for not counting the endzones in the total length just tremendous.  It's a brilliant outflanking maneuver that surprises Florio, who is clearly taken off guard.  The follow up wisecrack about Florio's lack of football knowledge follows up nicely as well. Nothing like a giant foam cat putting you down to take your inflated sense of self-worth down a peg or two.

But of course, Florio was not going to give in easily.  His "Chester Cheetah" snipe was mildly clever, but it all went wrong with his uncomfortably-creepy-in-nature "kitty has claws" comment.  From there it was all Jaxson as he kept hammering Florio and the only comeback the PFT pugilist could make was bragging about how many pageviews he gets.

And really, that's a fitting end.  JDV's "Go copy and paste" is the knockout blow in a one-sided demolition.  If you as a living, breathing human being have to brag about how many pageviews your website gets to the Twitter account of a mascot, you've already lost the battle and the war.  (At least Florio didn't try to use his number of Twitter followers or his past life as a lawyer as an affirmation of his worth to humanity, though.)

By that point, Mr. DeVille had already trapped Mike Florio in a fight he could never win, and that was the genius of this Twitter War.  Florio had no way to come out on top.  Go the humor route and look like a fool by being outfoxed by a mascot.  Go the serious route and look like a fool by arguing with a mascot.  Either way – mascot wins.  By a 4th Round KO, the winner of this Twitter War is Jaxson DeVille.

Rrrrrrow.

Matt Yoder

About Matt Yoder

Managing Editor of Awful Announcing and award winning sportswriter. Bloguin consigliere. The biggest cat in the whole wide world.

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