I had anticipated taking a larger look at all the announcing from the day after New Year’s Day… until the Fiesta Bowl last night. That was when Matt Millen had a largely exclusive broadcast window for the nation to revel in his football knowledge, weird logic, mixed up cliches, and overall ineptitude as an announcer. As I wrote on Twitter last night, it was an epic performance in the annals of AA – on par with what Vince Young did to USC in the National Championship Game. Before your tweets about Matt Millen, here are just some of the announcing gems he laid on the nation last night. Confucius would be proud…
“He bores you with completions, he bores you with efficiency,” on Andrew Luck.
“You can’t make a small mistake, like falling down… which is a big mistake.”
Calling Jesse Palmer – “Jesse the Body.”
“Sometimes you have to lose one for the Gipper.”
“They’ll both do well at the next level. BRANDON WEEDEN IS 28 YEARS OLD!”
“It’s not about the decision making (of Luck), it’s the decision making under pressure.”
“He’s hungry. You feed him.”
“It’s strength vs weakness on both sides, but it’s the weakness who is stronger.. is the team that will prevail”
“When he gets inside of a guy and bends his hips, he’s pretty good”
“That was helmet to helmet… I like it.”
That’s a complete list of Pammies quotes all by himself! Liking helmet to helmet hits? Being bored by Andrew Luck’s performance? Insulting the legacy of Jesse “The Body” Ventura?!?! What was ESPN thinking giving Matt Millen the best bowl matchup outside of the national championship game on the night of January 2nd? Stanford v Oklahoma State will certainly be memorable for being a dramatic classic, but it’s also memorable for us to remember what college football fans think of ESPN’s #2 analyst.
Is it too late for Millen to enter the Texas Senate race too? As always, these are Real Tweets from Real People…
tulok @awfulannouncing Honestly would’ve preferred Craig James doing the game over Matt Millen.
coolgato13 @awfulannouncing Guys Matt Millen belongs on the Mount Rushmore of Awful Announcing, don`t you think?
bflo360 Why couldn’t Craig James make Matt Millen his campaign chief? @awfulannouncing
the_real_cwurst @awfulannouncing Can we make every play in OT a field goal, so that Millen has to do the math out loud?
CreetIdle @awfulannouncing Yikes. How awful was that listening to Millen do math on air?
Eagan3112 My God Matt Millen is terrible. @awfulannouncing
trentschlom My mom is even bashing Millen. This is a @awfulannouncing hall of fame performance. Instant classic.
hayner78 @awfulannouncing Every time I’m typing a dumb Millen quote, he says something new. Impossible to keep up.
rsharrow @awfulannouncing if you do a “Matt Millen” search, it really is mesmerizing to see the overwhelming amount of comments
SamValley @awfulannouncing Matt Millen is to broadcasting as he was as a pro football GM.
tonoxtono @awfulannouncing an empty Tostitos bag would be a upgrade over Matt Millen
boilerbill96 @awfulannouncing as a Colts fan, I am now worried that Millen thinks Luck is good
DeanMWilliams @awfulannouncing If Millen suggests drafting Blackmon, should Blackmon just announce his retirement?
spokanecmo @awfulannouncing Matt Millen just dropped ‘humdinger’ 1965 wants its catch phrase back.
TweetaSkalina @awfulannouncing the only thing more boring to Matt Millen than Andrew Luck is drafting useful NFL players. More fun to play w/ 11 wideouts
RealJEllis @awfulannouncing Millen was so bad he had me yearning for a broadcast featuring the 2011 versions of John Madden and Pat Summerall
OStateBuckeye @awfulannouncing I now know to exercise caution around towels, because they “can take an eye out”
dthomas2003 @awfulannouncing When he said sometimes you lose one for the gipper my first thought is thanks for that stupid advice which makes no sense
rich_roberts @awfulannouncing I learned last night that Justin Blackmon is a big time player. And big time players make big time plays #MattMillen
edsbs I can’t hear the announcers in this bar, so if Matt Millen says something important, fill your bathtubs because the Great War has begun.
kslshep I thought Matt Millen’s best analysis tonight was when he told Sean McDonough to answer his phone.
PapaBradstein In honor of Matt Millen, I’m going to spend the day tomorrow announcing what’s already obvious to everyone around me. #fiestabowl