It’s been a couple weeks since we checked in with GolTV soccer analyst Ray Hudson in his corner of the universe.  This week brought him to Barcelona’s 2-0 win at Racing Santander in La Liga.  Leo Messi scored both goals for Barca, which means you know Ray Hudson will find a new never-before-considered-in-the-English-language way to describe his brilliance.  Here’s the video and the transcript of the best of Ray Hudson…

Iniesta chance (1:10)

“OOOOHHHH MAMA!!!!… Ingenious from the pale faced assassin, what a JOY this will be to look at again.  If only for a lick of paint, he just gets it wrong.  But it’s the speed he does it with people.  Watch this, in a nanosecond it’s twenty terabytes of skill.  Astonishing!  Knows exactly where that corner is, ah!”

1-0 Messi (2:04)

“SSSSHHHHH… THE MEDICINE MAN NO LESS provides poison down the throat of Racing Santander.  Racing Santander’s butcher men tried to hack down Xavi when we see it again.  Xavi dancing over the combine harvesters that are coming after him and Lionel knows it and sees the bravery of Xavi right here.  Look at this, they’re reaching in, lunging in, trying to get him, they cannot.  The genius of Xavi to set up… the spare ball over the top again magnificent.  Fabregas is absolutely out of this world with his provision for Lionel Messi.  Messi again.  Sublime!  SUBLIMESSI!”

Penalty kerfuffle (4:43)

“OOOHH!!… Big question mark against this for me, penalty perhaps that’s not given against Dani Alves… and cards coming out like speeding tickets at Indianapolis raceway here now.”

2-0 Messi (6:18)

“Goalkeeper went the right way still wouldn’t have got it.  Messi needs no help.  Needs help like a shark needs a bicycle.  Beautiful placement.  Happy faces and just another day at the office for him.  Again it’s perfection.”

About Matt Yoder

Award winning sportswriter at The Comeback and Awful Announcing. The biggest cat in the whole wide world.