Ray Hudson Invokes Star Trek, Shakespeare, And Theology To Praise Lionel Messi This Week

I would be very happy if we could bring to you a weekly dose of Gol TV announcer Ray Hudson.  On matchdays, you can follow the MAGISTERIAL Live Ray Hudson Twitter account for the best of this cosmic commentator in 140 characters.  It seems Ray saves his most outrageous comments to describe the brilliance of the best player in the world, Lionel Messi.  Ray Hudson and partner Phil Schoen called Barcelona’s 4-1 win over Malaga on Sunday and Messi scored a wondrous hat trick, much to Ray’s delight and ours.  Pay special attention to the call on Messi’s amazing third goal…

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http://youtube.com/watch?v=Qi-nGx2opq4

1-0 Messi

“If there’s a footballer you would inject into yourself, it would be Lionel Messi, wouldn’t it people?  Honestly?  Phenomenal.  Truly.  His radiant talent could light up the national grid.  He does it downstairs and we’re all in amazement, he does it upstairs and he’s nothing less than the immaculate conception.  Astonishing footballer of our time.  The most complete footballista that I have ever seen.  The wonderful Lionel Messi.”

2-0 Sanchez

“Astonishing football again just unravels Pellegrini’s team and those lovely big eyes of Manuel just are raised in the eyebrows… there’s so much beautiful football going on… Willy Caballero is a one man battleship on the line pulling out all the stops but he cannot deny this one from Alexis.  It’s easy pickings.”

3-0 Messi

“AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!  They tell me that all men are equal in God’s eyes.  This player makes you seriously think about those words.  Lionel Messi.  Why, man he doth bestride the world like a Colossus.  Starts it, finishes it, and makes it look elementary.  A gazelle running amongst cheetahs.  Astonishing!”

4-0 Messi

“Oh, beautiful… YYYAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!  Nothing less than the equivalent of a footballing bird of paradise is this man that defies the description man!  Genius of geniuses!  He’s like Doctor Spock!  He’s out of his Vulcan mind!  Absolutely out of this world!  Lionel!  Look at the tuck away, look at the pace, he fills this field up in warp speed Doctor Spock, in warp speed.  MAAAAAAGISTERIAL ARGENTINA!  MAGISTEEERIAL LEOOO!!  Running like he’s got a food mixer down his shorts, and it set the beat.”

And if that wasn’t good enough, here’s BONUS Ray Hudson.  Don’t you dare call Barcelona a “machine” around Ray or else you’ll get slapped upside the head.  The funny thing is, I think he’s deadly serious… 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=cvJDJCYfSE0

Matt Yoder

About Matt Yoder

Managing Editor of Awful Announcing and award winning sportswriter. Bloguin consigliere. The biggest cat in the whole wide world.

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