Chris Berman to announce Monday Night Football game this fall?

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ESPN has heard the complaints for years now that Chris Berman, the walking caricature, has worn out his welcome.  Whether it be covering the NFL Draft, hosting the U.S. Open, or his forays into baseball, Berman’s presence brings groans from the masses.  But have no fear America, ESPN is listening to you.

According to a tweet from Sports by Brooks, Chris Berman isn’t getting out of the play-by-play game, but expanding his portfolio to include the opening week doubleheader for Monday Night Football.  

Chris Berman… doing play-by-play… for an actual NFL game…

D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH D’OH

Let the gravity of that sink in for a minute.

Chris Berman… play-by-play… football.

For God’s sake, the man can’t even catch his breath when broadcasting golf!  And you mean to tell me, as a complete football play-by-play novice, that Berman will be able to keep up with the pace of an NFL broadcast?  That he could actually communicate information to viewers?  When Berman re-upped with ESPN in 2010, there was no mention of his moving into an NFL broadcast booth, so it remains to be seen if this Brooks report will truly come to fruition.  When SI’s Richard Deitsch attempted to get a comment from ESPN, he was met with a non-answer.  

Does that mean ESPN ultimately knows the reaction this announcement will get?  Is Berman using his immense stature within Bristol to force his way into a play-by-play role or is this a ceremonial gesture?  Jim Miller tweeted an MNF game is on Berman’s bucket list so to say.

Chris Berman stepping in to the booth to announce a football game would be nothing short of an unmitigated disaster for ESPN.  Does anyone at the network type the words “Chris Berman” in a Twitter search when he’s on the air, or do they even care at this point?

If Chris Berman steps behind the microphone to broadcast a live football game, AA would have to publish a 13 volume series of Real Tweets from Real People, just to cover Berman’s first half performance!  Fans would be left clamoring for the return of Mike Greenberg as a play-by-play man.

This may be the ultimate ESPN doomsday scenario.  Honestly, what could be worse? Colin Cowherd interviewing himself?  Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith taking their ridiculous debates to SportsCenter?  (Wait, that’s already happening.)  Seeing Digger Phelps give Dick Vitale a sponge bath?  The return of Craig James?  At this point, anything is possible.

You win ESPN, you win.

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