The United States began its Gold Cup campaign Tuesday night against Canada with a 2-0 victory at Detroit’s Ford Field.  For those of you that don’t know, the Gold Cup is the biannual CONCACAF championship, usually played in the USA.  The winner will get to play against other continental champs in 2013’s Confederations Cup in Brazil before the 2014 World Cup.  All the games are televised on Fox Soccer Channel in the USA.  However, I have no idea where this clip below comes from… except the deep, dark underworld of Youtube.  The screen graphic almost looks Arabian, but the commentary is definitely in English.  There’s also a play by play man screaming, fat kid jokes, more screaming, bad puns, and did I mention the screaming?  It definitely seems like a legit broadcast, but I’m just not sure after watching it several times.  I present to you the goals from the USA/Canada game and some of the strangest goal calls in the history of the English language…

“Kick it around, beat it around, go celebrate with yo people.”

“Jozy loves scoring like a fat kid loves eating cake.”


If I’m not mistaken, that last goal is somehow a tribute to Borat.  Veeerrryyy niiice… pause, not.  I do enjoy the excitement of soccer announcers around the world, but this fella screaming like a madman just for the sake of screaming like a madman isn’t one of those examples.  AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!  Sorry, just had to get that out.

I’m counting on our intrepid AA readers to do some investigative reporting and find out what in the world it is we just watched and whether or not it’s actually real, or a fake.  (I really do hope it’s real.)  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m at a conference and I have to run into the auditorium screaming WOW WOW WEE WAAAAA… 

Thanks to @EricHGuthrie for tweeting us the clip!

***Update: Thanks to @fbihop on Twitter and timmyintransit below in the comments for saying it’s the commentary from the CONCACAF website.  Evidently, there have been some issues with CONCACAF’s commentary before.  Perhaps there is no money to pay real announcers because all of it has been used already in bribes and corruption.

About Matt Yoder

Award winning sportswriter at The Comeback and Awful Announcing. The biggest cat in the whole wide world.