Tiger Withdraws from Players Championship, Dan Hellie Speculates At Least 2 Whores Involved

Congratulations, casual golfer! You could have had a chance to beat Tiger Woods yesterday at the Players Championship, where the eagerly anticipated “Tiger becoming Tiger again” didn’t quite happen. Woods said he felt his problematic left knee buckle during his first tee shot and was barely able to walk through the front nine, shooting a 42(!) in the process. 

“The knee acted up, and then the Achilles followed after that, and then the calf started cramping up,” Woods said. “Everything started getting tight, so it’s just a whole chain reaction.”

There were also some good ol’ fashioned horrible shots which were unrelated to the leg.

“It grabbed me on the tee shot there. But the pitch shots weren’t [due to injury]. Those were just bad pitch shots. Those were just awful.”

Tiger Woods had 99 problems at the tournament, but for the first time in a long time, a female was not among them. Somebody tell that to Dan Hellie of WRC in Washington D.C.

In Mr. Hellie’s defense, Tiger is probably knee deep in hookers right now. Look, I’ve shot more than my share of 42/9’s in my day and it ain’t pretty. You don’t just chalk that up as a loss, hop in the Escalade, and go pick up the kids from mommy’s. You drink heavily at the turn, leave with half your clubs, head straight to the Jiggly Room to throw down a couple more vodka-Gatorades and find a lady of the night to lick your wounds. 

via [Guyism]

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