2011′s Best Super Bowl Commercial Wasn’t Even Real

I’m gonna go ahead and say it: this year’s Super Bowl commercials fell flat. Plain and simple. That’s why I’m glad we have Daniel Tosh to pick up the pieces.

Bravo. Honestly, this could have been a real Discover commercial and not only it would have been good for their brand, it would have been the best commercial of the night.

First of all, the darling of the show was VW’s Baby Vader. Now, I’m not going to go off on a curmudgeony rant about “a commercial for a giant corporation featuring the intellectual property of an artistically bankrupt blockbuster mainstream film series aired during the single most corporatized sporting event in the history of corporatization,” like THIS GUY does, because, well, that guy did a pretty good job of that (besides, it makes you come off like a total dick), and I have no beef with corporations or money. But, it was leaked ahead of time and therefore lacked that certain Super Bowl spark for me, although I must admit I was impressed at the kid’s ability to act without a damn face. It didn’t help that the SB version was shorter than the original video either. Plus, it didn’t even feature a new product or anything. When I first watched him trying to force-whatever the car, I was wondering to myself what innovation was going to be the payoff. Then what did I get? Something anyone looking to make their whip slightly more furious can grab for $89.99. Pffft. Next.

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Kim Kardashian pretends to get nailed, YAWN. Sealy suggests we try having vanilla sex on our beds, as long as we make sure to be 20-something Abercrombie models who are EXACTLY the same complexion as our partners. Man, what a gaggle of missed opportunities that one was, that ad agency should really just close up shop. Let’s go tagline by tagline here. First, “It’s better with springs.” I assume this is some kind of dig at Tempur-pedic but it took a while to sink in. Why not mock their classic wine glass demo by showing a glass bouncing around on the merlot-soaked mattress or something? Wouldn’t that make more sense? It’s like they were afraid to really make their point, especially with the next bit of copy, which was “Whatever you do in bed, Sealy supports it,” the keyword being “WHATEVER.” The problem is they don’t even come close to thinking about maybe suggesting somebody considering the possibility of doing something even remotely out of the ordinary. It’s just not that hard to do, people. At all. LivingSocial’s spot featured a transvestite for Pete’s sake, and that barely made sense. Try throwing a puppy in with your romantic couple and see what happens, I don’t know. Or you can spend $3 million for an ad that no one ever talks about again. The choice is yours.

And are we really not over the E*Trade baby yet? I remember being surprised that spot actually managed to get me to accept a talking baby concept the first time I saw it – BACK IN 2008.

It’s now Tuesday and the only spots people are still talking about are Groupon’s, because they were “controversial.” Now, that I don’t even understand. What are we living in the stone age? Can you hear me back there in 2011 B.KC.?! (before @KennethCole). Besides, if 52% of Americans aren’t even aware of the protests going on in Egypt, I have a hard time believing a lot of people are really up in arms about Tibet. New Rule: You waive your right to be offended by a joke if all your facts about the seriousness of the issue in question come directly from the setup of the joke itself. 

So kudos to you, Tosh, for being hilarious as always. And to you, ladies, for having the sense of humor and self-awareness to lampoon women’s basketball. And especially to you, fake (I assume) Morgan Freeman for the not-awful impersonating (still not really sure). The only one I can’t pat on the back here is Comedy Central. You couldn’t shell out a few million for an SB spot? Come on, it’s not like you spend it on production for Tosh.0.

Follow Mike on Twitter @mickeyvee and read his ramblings on other topics @wannabe_genius

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