This Sports Science asks the question, “could this CHICAGO Bear be faster than a REAL bear?,” thus proving that those who work at Sports Science are either on peyote, or just recently stole a hibernating black bear. In whichever case, they have access to a black bear and they scientifically time his 40-yard dash by having him chase the host for 10 or so yards. Unfortunately, this is the Albert Haynesworth of bears, and he SUCKS at 40-yard dashes. The host explains that this bear is slow because of natural factors such as it being pissed that it isn’t hibernating and that this bear isn’t motivated because it still has three years left on it’s contract!
I look forward to future Sports Science segments when they hopefully will answer more of our halfbaked questions. Like, is Hines Ward stronger than a Steel worker? Is Mehmet Okur the best jazz musician in Utah? Who has molested more women, Brett Favre or a viking? Keep it coming, WWL.