By now you’ve probably all felt or heard that an earthquake hit practically the entire east coast of the United States, from New York down to as far south as Georgia and as far west as here in Ohio.  I didn’t feel the quake, but plenty of family and friends here in Ohio did.  As is becoming the norm in our society, Twitter is the place to go to find out what is happening instantly.  Immediately, Tweets came down from folks all over the eastern half of the United States talking about what just happened.  Whenever a huge story like this breaks, Twitter is unquestionably the place to go.

However, with seismic stories like this (sorry) comes another predictable twist.  Everybody on Twitter immediately tries to come up with the best and funniest joke to seize their moment as the next social media viral senstaion.  This is actually funny for about 15 seconds.  This subplot of lame jokes surrounding any earth shattering event is actually more interesting than whatever story the jokes may be about.  Mind you, some of the jokes below are actually quite good in isolation, but trust me, you aren’t the only person that thinks a Rex Ryan earthquake joke is a brilliant and original idea.  Sadly, this was an occasion where the husky men in sports were picked on mercilessly like a 7th grade gym class.  However, other targets emerged as well with everyone and their texting twelve year old nephew trying to get in on the fun of bad earthquake jokes.

As always, these are Real Tweets From Real People…

#Rex Ryan

mhicks Earthquake in New York? What happened? Rex Ryan fall down?
NYGiants4Natic Or maybe it was just Rex Ryan falling out of his chair #NYG #earthquake
SmokingWithHank Rex Ryan was having sex #Earthquake
steeler560 Reports are earthquake caused by Rex Ryan jumping up & down after Plaxico catches TD pass in practice today
gregcote Earthquake felt in New York blamed on Rex Ryan jumping jacks.

#Albert Haynesworth

RapSheet Guys: Sources cannot confirm Haynesworth’s participation in #Patriots practice caused the earthquake. Searching for more sources…
RockTheRed Earthquake? I just thought Albert Haynesworth was back in DC for court.
JasonRomano Was Albert Haynesworth back on the practice field the earthquake we all felt along the Northeast
alexsemin Earthquake alert: Albert Haynesworth stepped on a weak spot on the earth’s crust on the way to his hearing.
an earthquake felt in dc, somebody tell albert haynesworth “no means no”

#Prince Fielder

Aisle424 The earthquake is being felt as far west as Cincinnati? Prince Fielder must have really been jumping.
PRod85 are the brewers playing on the east coast? did prince fielder fall out of bed? #earthquake
nickpipitone The source of Milwaukee’s earthquake hard to pinpoint, seeing that Prince Fielder is currently out of town.
theonederek There wasn’t an earthquake. Prince Fielder just fell out of bed.
Scott_McMurtry: Reported cause of earthquake: Prince Fielder got up from his booth at Primanti’s.

#Bartolo Colon & CC Sabathia

briancady Relax people, it wasn’t a REAL earthquake… Bartolo Colon and CC Sabathia both happened to fall out of their beds at the same time.
DischInABox Everybody settle down. It wasn’t an earthquake, it was Bartolo Colon and CC Sabathia doing running drills together.
WKWZsports “Sorry about the earthquake, mexican food last night.” -Bartolo Colon
cjzero I though the Yankees had agreed to never allow Bartolo Colon & CC Sabathia to do jumping jacks simultaneously
DaddyFiles Earthquake? Or CC Sabathia jumping up to retrieve a Twinkie from the top of his locker?

#Eddy Curry

mdotbrown Calm down folks, that wasn’t an earthquake. Eddy Curry just found out about the lockout.
ohmybachness I’m sure Eddy Curry had something to do with the East Coast Earthquake.
aeroflynn are we sure it was an earthquake and not Eddy Curry tripping over his own feet? #fatnumberonepicks
adamcbest That wasn’t an Earthquake, NYC. That was just Eddy Curry going to the fridge.
puddleofaids Reports are confirmed that there was indeed an earthquake and not Eddy Curry working out…


oopedup Was that Charles Barkley vs Godzilla part 2 or an earthquake?
JamesSimpson10 Never let Andy Reid take dancing classes again #Earthquake
drewmcfrizz Was that an earthquake or did Chris Christie just jump into the presidential race?
Fake_Buck It wasn’t an earthquake, we just invited Sid Fernandez & Rich Garces for tryouts 
keithlaw Apparently they’re evacuating Citizens Bank Park out of concern that the tremors mean thrown batteries won’t hit their targets
MikeSielskiWSJ BREAKING: Local sports station in Philadelphia reports Cliff Lee raised his left hand to the sky to stop the #earthquake. #Phillies
ryascolot I thought Sal Paolantonio’s sports reporting was worthless until I experienced his earthquake reporting…
texashsfootball Convinced the Earthquake happened because Tim Tebow got demoted to third string with the Broncos.
variety977 Are Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries honeymooning on the East Coast? #bootyshakin #earthquake
Supajoe This east coast earthquake is obviously divine retribution for Jersey Shore.
Jose313 Mother Nature is pissed at congress .. so it had to shake things up #earthquake #lamejoke #toosoon
SecPress Looks like #Gadhafi unleashed his #earthquake machine as a last ditch effort to remain in power…
TonyGrossi Yes, we’re talking in #Browns press room about the possibility of an earthquake or Ted Washington just walked through the building.
friedmanjon Earthquake jokes are so 2:30.
BearcatsBlog #EarthquakeJoke

H/T to AA’s Matt Clapp for the video at Sharapova’s Thigh

About Matt Yoder

Award winning sportswriter at The Comeback and Awful Announcing. The biggest cat in the whole wide world.