ESPN Plans To Torture Viewers With TebowCenter Special

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You may already know CBS and NBC are fighting over Tim Tebow for a possible Week 15 Flex Game, but that only begins to tell the story of the infinitely expanding media obsession with Tim Tebow.  I foolishly anticipated as Tebow played more minutes in Denver, we would get used to the idea of him playing in the NFL and he would fade away from being the most talked about man in the world.  After all, there’s no possible way ESPN and other outlets could possibly talk MORE TIM TEBOW.  Right?  

I couldn’t be more wrong.

One five game winning streak filled with last minute victories later and TebowMania is out of control.  ESPN, in their infinite wisdom to torture people with any grip of what is real in the world, is DEDICATING AN ENTIRE HOUR OF SPORTSCENTER TO TIM TEBOW Wednesday afternoon at 2 PM ET.  Set your DVRs.  Amongst the instruments of terror are…

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  • Highlights of Tebow’ comebacks.
  • Josina Anderson reports live from the Broncos facility.
  • Jerry Rice will break down Tebow’s development as a passer.
  • Steve Young will discuss Tebow’s future and how the Broncos should handle him.
  • An Ed Werder feature: “Winning the Tebow Way.”
  • The debate over Tebow with Skip Bayless.
  • The top-10 Tebow moments, which will include his Florida days.
  • An examination of Tebow’s impact on fantasy football.

BUT WHAT WILL ESPN TALK ABOUT THE OTHER 23 HOURS OF THE DAY?!?!?!  Oh, yea… more Tebow.  I just don’t know what to say anymore.  It was more than a month ago that I pleaded to anyone with a computer screen to put a stop to TebowMania before I lost my everloving mind.

Nobody listened.  

It must be the goal of ESPN to convince any person that finds the Broncos QB likeable (like me) or sits on the fence to hate him with a passion only saved for telemarketers, migraine headaches, and violent diarrhea.  The shame is the average NFL fan can’t even enjoy what Tebow is doing in Denver because of this obsession.  

There are literally 1,695 other NFL players to talk about – 53 players on 32 teams.  Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees are setting records, and yet it’s Tebow that gets a full hour of SportsCenter.  What about outside the NFL?  The best player in baseball may sign with a new team any second, and yet it’s Tebow that gets a full hour of SportsCenter.  The NBA season is only weeks away from starting, and yet it’s Tebow that gets a full hour of SportsCenter.  The NHL is proposing radical realignment, and yet it’s Tebow that gets a full hour of SportsCenter.

It’s not even funny anymore how big of a joke ESPN’s Tebow sickness is at this point.  Sure, it’s fun for us and others to mock TebowMania, but this is seriously getting out of hand.  Unbelievably, this is worse than the height of any coverage ever associated with Brett Favre.  ESPN’s Tebow infatuation shows nothing more than a disconnect from actual sports fans and a warped sense of reality like they are under some sort of hypnotic spell.  What the $%*# are they going to do in the offseason, stalk him going to the Mini Mart?  Wait in the bushes outside his home to see when he takes out his recycling?  Put Jon Gruden on television 14 hours out of the day to examine his mechanics?  At least Ed Werder will get a less prickly, less creepy human being to follow around.

TebowMania has now taken on a life of its own and is too big for ESPN to control anymore.  In fact, if anything, TebowMania has become some sort of mutant creature hellbent on destroying its creator (ESPN) and the known universe.  Think the classic Godzilla movies before he got soft and the immense destruction that took place.  That’s what TebowMania is doing to our lives, except without the ’50s special effects.

It begins with one hour devoted to Tim Tebow.  Then, it’ll be a 30 for 30 documentary.  Next, a miniseries followed by Tebow: The Magazine.  Tebow Week, where the quarterback’s best performances are dubbed with commentary by Tebow, Skip Bayless, and Merril Hoge won’t be far behind.  The Tebow On Tebow reality series should be a foregone conclusion.

Finally, I’m fully expecting Tebow to be deified as a god in Bristol, CT and great pyramids will be built in his honor until a Hebrew slave named Moses Malone delivers his people out of bondage.  Then again, maybe that was The Ten Commandments.

I wish escaping Tebow was only this easy…

Matt Yoder

About Matt Yoder

Managing Editor of Awful Announcing and award winning sportswriter. Bloguin consigliere. The biggest cat in the whole wide world.

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